I die daily

i die
i must die
it is no longer I
but Christ that lives
the flesh is weak
Spirit take control

the past cannot be undone
the lost can be found
the hurts can recover
the sins are forgiven

Dwell no more
I'll move on
Even if I fall
the scabs will heal
If He is with me, who can be against me?

Christmas. Suspiciously handphone jinxed.

The day was great, Strikeforce performed at Christmas Land carnival. Seriously, how can a day like that be bad when what is lined up is simply play, perform, have fun, and end the day off slacking with your family at your sister's cosy pad.

At least I am wouldn't be amongst the catastrophic snow-spraying mobs at Orchard.
Last Christmas, I lost my handphone and wallet to the mob; someone who could not keep his hands to himself got lucky.


This year, the right thing to do would be to protect my possessions and shun crowds. I lost my handphone in the comforts of my alone-ness, to a toilet bowl. Frantically I rinsed it clean, dismantled it to retrieve the sim card. Wrapped the teeny weeny sim card in a tissue paper, left it on the table. Went into the room to blow dry the phone. I came back to find the sim card gone. My sister threw the piece of tissue paper with the sim card!!!
Ahhhhhgh. Oh well. But thank God M1 is gonna send me a new sim card that is 3G enabled, for FREE.



For now, I'll just keep my fingers crossed while I wait till my phone recovers.


Check out last year's post about my mishap on Christmas.

Being 18

my favourite picture for that night.

cheers to the youngest of the group! finally 18!

These are two of the pictures we took that night (We took a total of 66 shots *sweat*).

We were casually talking about being 18 and looking back at how we were anticipating it when we were 16. And now we're looking at turning 21. A few said they feel old. I don't at all. To me, 18's just another age, I don't feel much different from being 16, just that I know my priorities have changed and I live for a purpose. I still feel the excitement of being 16, where possibilities are boundaryless and impossible is nothing!

I looked through my archives... I had my first online blog ever in April 2004. Wow. That was after I got to know Celest. After reading through the posts, I've realised how much I have grown and how much God has been with me, moulding me, loving me, guiding me through the sorrows and pain. From the remnants of the past relationship with Kol, I emerged and staggered through, in search of a purpose, I went from valleys to summits, valleys to summits and valleys to summits again. Nevertheless, I was never lost from His sight and now I'm truely living a life that is fulfilling. Thank God, I am able to play drums to serve Him and people now! Yippeee.

Catch Strikeforce playing Sat 24th Dec 4:15pm~,7pm~,7:15pm~, 9:45pm~ and Sun 25th Dec 12:30pm~, 3:30pm, 4:15pm at Christmas Land Carnival Expo Hall 6. (~ means I would be playing)

A time of thanksgiving

Thank you friends, I enjoyed my 18th birthday. Thanks for the gifts, the treats, the wishes and the time spent with me. =)

I feel so blessed.

Despite a not-so-good Cross Cultural test in the morning of 19th Dec, it was still a great birthday.

We went to Art Museum to do Cross Cultural after the test and it was getting a lil boring especially after seeing the Gao Xing Jian exhibition, which to me was a hall full of paintings with blobs of black ink on white paper. Pardon me, all you artists out there... I know Gao Xing Jian is an honourable nobel prize winner, but I am probably too much of an urbanite to feel the emotions beyond the black or greyish blobs.

Anyway, after combing through the empty hall on the second level, I walked down the stairs to see James calling my name and giving me a face. I simply nodded at him with a sian-what-you-want kind of face. He turned and I saw Emelia, Nat, Esther, Penny and Li Ang, a few flight of steps below, with a cake and candle on it. I was surprised!

After about 2 hours of gazing at the masterpieces of various artisans, I already forgot that it was my birthday! So, secretively they brought in the cake and softly they sang in the museum gallery. I was really surprised. Thanks lovelies. and the cheesecake was yummy.

And later the day ended well with Strikeforce Christmas party at Seasons Park condo function room. All 40 over of us graced the occasion, put up impromptu skit items, and the rule was: No Drumming allowed(since all of us are drummers). And it was hilarious. Despite given less than an hour to come up with the item, the creativity still shone through and we were really tickled. As usual, Bro Boon gave his long speech. Nevertheless, we loved it and hearing from him always renews our vision for Strikeforce.

Strikeforce is not just a group of drummers, we're a bunch of people who are willing to let God stretch ourselves beyond our limits. We drum, not to our own glory, but so that lives may be impacted.

I love Strikeforce. ONE BAND, ONE SOUND.

I love my secondary school friends too.

Last night, they brought me out for dinner and we went to Acid Bar after that. I wanna thank Evelyn, Roy, Ally, Ivan and Kumsum for making time for me. It's been 2 years since we graduated, I'm glad we're still spending time together, not forgetting Mervin, who's enjoying himself in France right now. Friends forever, a saying that seldom happen in reality, but even as the guys are going army soon, I just pray that our friendship would grow deeper.

I also thank my beloved e269 members!

I wanna thank especially my leader, Bro Simon Peter, who has changed my life, ever since I returned to e269. I would have still been a rebellious, morbid, unrealistic, rock star wannabe if he hadn't come into my life. Thank God for him, through the tough times I was able to grow up, through the good times I remembered to give thanks. I could write a whole story about it(would probably write it soon), if I were to go into detail how my life has changed ever since 2004.

Also, I wanna thank the other members...

especially...

Xiaorong, for being with me, ranting to me, encouraging me, allowing me to encourage her, growing up with me, shopping with me and loving me.

Sharon, for praying and believing with me, inspiring me to rise up. Looking forward to building an even deeper relationship with you!

not forgetting other members, you guys rock, thanks for the support and effort to love!

Opps, almost forgot, Celest Sae Vatini! My lovely lady, yes the $2800 spent was all worthwhile when I got to know you. Thank God for a unique sister like you, who does not just look exotic, but has a heart that melts easily and melts others.

And I think this is getting too long winded...the list goes on, MY SISTER, Sophia, who has poured out her heart and soul to me and always buys stuff for me and also, Jocelin, Michelle Lam, Karen Ng, the thought of you guys keep me going on.

And most of all, I wanna thank God, for loving me when I'm good or naughty, and placing all these people in my life.

the 4 temperaments

hi guys, sorry that I don't blog enough. Been very busy with schoolwork..but Thank God I've been able to survive through.
From the previous post, the Chingay Media Preview was quite alright, it was on the Channel 8/U news, but sadly, I wasn't caught on camera. Oh well, there are more chances in future.

I've just started reading this book, The Spirit-controlled Woman by Beverly LaHaye. It discusses the temperaments of people. All humans have temperaments. And these are acquired genetically.
There are four types:
Melancholic
Phelgmatic
Sanguine
Choleric

Melancholic :

(+) Sensitive, loves music and art, analytical, emotionally responsive, dependable friend, faithful, loyal, makes friends cautiously.

(-) Moody, gloomy, Pessimistic, likes to suffer(matyr mentality), Hypochondriac, proud, Depressive, introspective to the point of being harmful, carry grudge and revengeful, critical of others and imperfections, suspicious of others.

Phelgmatic :

(+) Calm, dependable, peace-loving, good listener, gives advice only when asked, works well under pressure, Neat, Conservative.

(-) Lacks confidence in self, Rarely laughs aloud, compromising, selfish and stingy, unenthusiastic, indifferent, attitude of superiority, uninvolved spectator, lack of motivation, indecisive.

Sanguine :

(+) Warm, lively, charismatic, talkative, compassionate, carefree, sociable, always smiling and friendly, gifted in caring for sick.

(-) Emotionally unpredictable, restless, exagerates the truth, spontaneous outburst of anger, naive and childlike, impulsive buyer, completely disorganized, enjoys people and forget them, fall short of goal, easily distracted.


Choleric :

(+) Confident and natural leader, strong-willed, self-determined, optimistic,motivator, good organizer, quick and bold in emergencies, sets goals and reaches them.

(-) overly self-confident, prejudiced, violent anger problem, unsympathetic and harsh, makes decision for others, tend to dominate group, bored by details, opinionated.

Temperament is the oldest theory of human behaviour. It was conceived by the Greek physician Hippocrates, who is known as the "father of modern medicine."

Since temperaments are a part of our genes, they cannot be changed. And most of us are usually a combination of two of the temperaments. This means that you could be a MelChlor, SanPhelg, ChlorSan, SanMel or MelSan or PhelgMel? There are a total of 12 blends of temperaments.
And this book talks about how you are able to lead a more fulfilling life and strengthen the weakness in your life as u balance your primary and secondary temperaments. And this is possible as we walk with the Holy Spirit more.

Haven't finished reading the book yet, but it unlocks the mysteries as to why people do the things they do and how it would be possible to be less controlled by emotions.

I think, I'm a MelSan. Because I adore arts and music and am a faithful friend! San because I'm super messy.
But I can be quite phelg also. haha, What do you think u are?
There's a short test in the book, if you're interested do drop me a message =)

Enlarge the place of your tent, ...Do not spare

Though I've always been busy, days often revolve around schedules, but right now I really know what it means to be stretched. Stretched to the MAX. Now this is what one would call a life lived to its fullest.

Sun 20/11 Do Project Proposal for video - Storyboard, technical details
6 - 10pm Strikeforce Training
11pm - 230am Rush the rest of proposal

Mon 21/11 Deadline for proposal
7 - 10am Rush rest of proposal
School starts 1pm
8 - 1130pm Strikeforce Training
1230 - 1500am Prepare Radio script, dozed off

Tues 22/11 School starts 9am, ends 2pm
3pm - 4pm Complete Drama script and plan for year end thanksgiving cellgroup
4pm leave house for church
7.45-11pm Churchwide BS
1230am - 1400am Pray, complete rest of radio preparation

Wed 23/11 9 - 10am Audio editing suite, lushlab assignment
11 - 4pm school
Go home sleep
8pm - 1130pm Strikeforce training

Thur 24/11 9 - 2pm school
2 - 5pm FREE - Rest, play, do other assignments
7pm - 1130pm Strikeforce training

Fri 25/11 9 - 1pm school
Do group single camera tutorial
4 - 7pm FREE
8pm - 9pm BS at Suntec Twr 3

Sat 26/11 (tentative) Strikeforce training
3pm - 11pm In Church

Sun 27/11 Revise School work, Organise week ahead.
1200am - ??? Strikeforce Training

Mon 28/11 730 am - 1030am Performance for Chingay Preview at Wisma Atria
1200pm rush off to school.

Beyond the school deadlines, I have to juggle between Strikeforce and cellgroup, and family. So little time. But thank God, in the midst of this He has provided with peace. Especially for my deadline for storyboard on Monday, I had to come up with an idea within such a short time, and I had to draw out the stuff. But He brought me through it. Haaa. It's exciting. Though I feel stretched, but it's just amazing how He is able to multiply my time.

Is 54:2-3
"Enlarge the place of your tent, And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; Do not spare; Lengthen your cords, And strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, And your descendants will inherit the nations, And make the desolate cities inhabited."

Friends, I can't spend much time this week. Sorry, especially for those who have just finished A's.. hah, but I can make time..
OK! it's back to work.

it's 8:46 am. I'm in school. urgh.

Chinese Newswriting class in less than 15 mins.

dannnnggggg..
Lord give me strength.

a Fresh Start always

It's a new school term and it's a new blogskin for a great start. (As if.) Actually i'm changing the skin because I know I won't have time to change it at least until after this sem. I don't blog often, because I don't like my blogskin. haha...
I'm in Chinese Newswriting, which I kinda dread. I don't really dread the writing, but its more of... ehem. Never know who might be reading this.
It's actually alot of factors, like I heard that this module would be like subediting, just that it is taught in Mandarin. But I guess, I've gotta be responsible and face reality.
I know that everything's gonna be alright, like how we've always thought we would drown and die in the overwhelming work but we still survived through each sem!

I spent time with Chunyun, my friend of 8 years shopping at Bugis Street today. 8 years. We met in Primary 4. Been in the same class from P4 right up to Sec 2. During upper sec, we were separated due to subject electives... but the friendship remains. And we are still in the same institution. Just different courses. Wow. This means that we've been studying in the same institution for 11 years! And that's not counting PAP kindergarten! hahahahah..
We grew up together, but we've always been different. In our tastes, our personality, our goals. I thank God that despite us pursuing different lives and dreams, we're still ever so comfortable with each other.

fRIENDSHIP is highly maintanence. Actually it applies to all relationships. Unless there is one who continues to sow faithfully into it, there comes a day when it dies and only memories remain. Every day is a new day to sow into somebody's life. Make a difference in your friend/mom/dad/sister/brother/auntie/cousin/uncle/grandma/grandpa/granduncle/stepfather/stepmother/whoever I missed out/neighbour's life today.

Cherish.

Subside

The song kept playing in my head. I miss them... I miss Parousia.. They are the best local band I've seen perform. The passion, the spirit, the sincerity. It's a pity Parousia is no longer.

Subside

I was so sure
I'd eventually make things work
I didn't see
You had something else for me
Now I've made a mess of it all
(Listened to my pride)
Now I can't make sense of it all
(Now I see the light)
So when You and I collide
I will subside
By Your word I will abide
I will subside
You understand
I've got my dreams and my own plans
Without a doubt
I've got my whole life all mapped out
But I don't know what's best for me
(I only see today)
So I trust implicitly
(I'll do what You say)
So when You and I collide
I will subside
By Your word I will abide
I will subside
You said those who seek will find
(Have eternal life)
So I'll gladly follow You
(My life I sacrifice)
So when You and I collide
I will subside
By Your word I will abide
I will subside

God knows our desires

It's Fridaaaaay again!
Hmm. Latest Update: I am blessed with the jacket in my earlier post!

WOW. I cannot believe it, but God is really great! His Word does not only say that we shall not live in lack, but it also says that we shall live a life of abundance.

Indeed He is not only Jehovah Jireh that provides us with the essential needs of our lives, but He also knows the desires of our hearts and will bless us according to His will, because He is a God, a God of excellence.

In my last post, it was seven days ago that I saw this perfect jacket that I loved. To me, it was a pretty admirable thing that I didn't think of possessing at all, too expensive, too unreachable. Nice to See, Nice to Touch. Cannot bring home.
I didn't even think about saving for it, because I know my mom would kill me for buying something so expensive. But my Father, my Father in Heaven was really generous.

I didn't need a month to save for the jacket, it took Him a weekend to work His miracle!

Even though I have been giving faithfully to the building fund for the past months, I was led to give a faith offering last weekend. I wanted my offering to mean something to God, not just tipping Him, but something that would make a difference somewhere somehow.
Then I met James in church later at night and showed him enthusiatically the picture with the jacket I took on my handphone... He actually told me, "Come on! Believe that you can have it la!" Then he said that God will provide, that there has also been times there are things that he desire for, however God would always provide a means for him to get, either through financial blessings or people who bless him with things. I was like, ok... I believe..

Came Monday, my sister saw my MSN picture and asked me if I bought it. "No! Siao.. $180 leh." "Buy for you as birthday present la." *OPEN EYES WIDE, HYPERVENTILATING* Thank God! Wooh! And then we went to reserve the jacket on Tues.

Indeed He says in His word that when we bring in all the tithes and offerings into the storehouse, He will open the windows of heavens with blessings so much our barns cannot contain!

Though this has been not the first time God has blessed me when I give... I am still amazed by how God works...There are many other experiences that has WOWED me, including how I got my drumset..(those who are interested to know can ask me=)

Malachi 3:10
Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this," Says the Lord of hosts, "If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it.

The perfect jacket for meee.. but no monneeeey

Oh man I can't believe it. I found the perfect jacket, formal yet funky, versatile for all occasions.......It's flashy yet subdued and its puffed up sleeves are perfect for my narrow shoulders!! Gaaaawsshhhh. Thanks for Xiaorong who was eyeing her denim Guess jacket for quite some time already, i actually stepped into the Guess boutique at Suntec for the first time in my life... While waiting for her, my heart was itching to try on the jacket showcased on the mannequin at the display area outside the store. I tried it on. I couldn't believe it. It was so perfect! but.... sigh, $180. I should pray for blesssing....

Meanwhile...

Rest, it is a gift.

Wrote this last night.

Rest, it is not a state of mind

It is not a break from life

Some will seek it, but cannot find it

those who have it are truly blessed.

The peace within, I can't contain

Through good and bad, it remains

The Word He gave will never change

For He gives His beloved rest.

Isaiah 14:3

"It shall come to pass in the day the LORD gives you rest from your sorrow, and from your fear and the hard bondage in which you were made to serve..."

NO MORE LORDS OF DOGTOWN

Cannot find show at any cinemas. =(

Start my day with a post

I'm in the office right now.
Half an hour early today. I'm not feeling groggy today, but reaching office early kinda makes my day longer... Oh well, but I had a free ride from my bro-in-law.
I'm going to watch Lords of Dogtown today!! Finally, 3 weeks after its release ( or more.) Everytime we planned to meet up, something has to crop up, like one of us cannot make it, or my stupid ankle, work, blah.
I can't wait!!! It's been many moons since I got my dosage of skater punks, since the movie Grind, and I've already watched it so many times.
Hey all of you out there, if you are amidst the exam stress or feeling depressed or simply need a good laugh, please watch GRIND. It's so hilarious!

Ok, I'm going to check movie times.

Lord, let Your will be done today, and that it may be fruitful!

the days of the Swollen Ankle shall come to past... pt 2

Some Singaporeans are too blinded by self. This is might be a sweeping statement, but at least to me, this 50-something to 60s uncle, being overwhelmed in reading his Today's newspaper on bus 36, was blinded by his own needs.

On a typical weekday morning, the smartly dressed and eau de toilette - wearing office workers would pack bus 36 as most of them are going to the CBD to work. On this very day, I hopped onto the bus on my bandaged wrapped ankle, and settled my butt on this seat along the aisle, for easy getting off from bus later.

The crowds began to pack and I found myself smelling into the fresh edition of Today in my face. The uncle, who was standing at the aisle beside me, rested his entire left forearm on the black thingy behind our heads attached to the seat (whateva u call it, definitely not a headrest). He rested his entire forearm to hold the Today paper better. As a result, the paper was perpendicular to my face (if my face was a straight line, that is), leaving me with about 3 centimetres of headroom? Ahh, now I know the importance of having headroom outside photography.

Maybe what he did was a blatant hint to tell me he needed the seat more than me. But like I said earlier, his eyes were always down, down at the papers, but failed to see my bandaged foot. After some time, I couldn't stand it. I gave him a blatant hint too. I bent forward and reached for my itchy foot. After the second attempt, he finally reacted and closed the papers. He looked down, saw my foot, glimpsed at me and kept his papers.

Finally.

the days of the Swollen Ankle shall come to past...

It's pretty hard to find time to blog. It's not that my hands are not efficient or slow, and I am proud to say that my pair of small humble hands can at least play 7.5 sets of sixteenths strokes per minute more than the average person. Or more. I don't know. 7.5 looked like a nice number.
But for my feet, I'm not too sure. Playing drums without the bass is weird. MUSIC, without bass, IS weird. But I think my neighbours at blk 63 would have to contend with drumplays without the kick bass for at least another 2 weeks until my ankle fully recovers.

I've finally removed the ankle bandage which reeks of herbs and mysteriously smells of fried salted fish. Joking la, please, I don't have athlete's foot!
Finally my right foot was able to have its deserved access to oxygen. The swelling's gone down quite alot, just a small lump below the ball of my ankle left. I can't wait. Can't wait to go running, go blading, go SHOPPING and kick the bass with all my might.

I went shopping anyways. Brought my mom out last week, wanted to treat her to dinner, but in the end, I had to ask her to pay my dinner for me cos I didn't have money left after shopping. HEY. I bought my mom two pairs of shoes and my dad, a branded shirt ok! oh well. I bought myself one pair of shoes, versatile enough to look funky, smart and formal. for only $16.90! It's good to sow into my parents' life. Yes, I can take the lead in changing their lives.

Oh back to my sprained ankle. How did I sprain it? I'm too ashamed to say that it was not because of an adrenaline rush during a heated basketball game, not because I was running for my life from a malicious looking stranger, not even because I was too mesmerised staring at some hot dude walking along Orchard Road.

I missed my foot's landing while I was walking down my flat's staircase (in my usual ganjeong-flustered-rush-here-rush-there self), reaching into my bag to get my handphone, when the world began to whirl around me in that split moment. The uncle who was climbing down the stairs, looked down at the exasperated me inquisitively and asked, "Girl, are you ok?" I simply laughed at my foolishness and told him I was fine. His wife came out of the unit, where I landed outside. A typical Peranakan makcik response, "Aiyoh, sayang.. why like that.."
I was amused by myself.
Then the pain set in.
Made a wrong choice by going to the sinseh at my neighbourhood. This is the first time in my life of my 3 sprained ankle incidents that I see a sinseh. And it is also the first time it took more than a week to heal. Dang. I don't think he had the skills to treat a sprained ankle.
Nevertheless, I'm much better now. Thank God.

Yesterday's service was really a fresh touch from heaven. This service really reinforced the standard for which the type of life I have to lead.

Ever since the last time Pst Ulf prophesied about new music that will birth forth, I knew in my spirit that I have to flow in the same vision. Even though it seemed like he was prophesying to the musicians in church, I received what he spoke for myself. As a drummer, I need to seize this kairos moment, and practise, for this is the season to do what I am called to do.

Indeed the church is God's vehicle to show His wisdom, and through the church new things birth forth to influence the world. And Strikeforce would definitely be this new thing that God is using. We come from different backgrounds, some never touched even a pair of drumsticks before in their lives. The youngest in Strikeforce is 10 years old (i think), the oldest, old enough to be our grandparents. It does not matter, God uses people of all sorts to do amazing things. And we shall be an impact to the nations! Things are unfolding, as 25 Strikeforce members would be leading for Japan, Osaka to perform in the biggest Midosuji Parade 2005 on Oct 9! More than a million people are expected to show up at this event! WOooHoo!
Though I am not chosen to go, I am so excited for them! One band, One sound, One spirit.

I went to watch STOMP with Strikeforce this week, and after that, Bro Boon shared that there is nothing that they do we cannot do. I agree with it, what's more, we have the anointing of God.
Throughout the show, I was carefully analysing the beats and imagined us doing that in future. I was really bowled over by their creativity and team coordination. I believe that we can be even better than them through practice and a spirit of excellence. What is more important is a heart of worship and a good attitude that will then flow out in the Spirit when we play and perform.

I was so ministered and touched to tears during altar call yesterday because He told me that He is going to use me for something great.. And it requires much faith because it is bigger than anything that I can imagine.

I need to seize the kairos moment, and practise and seek God!
It's about leaving behind a legacy in all that I do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh by the way, I updated my wishlist. haah.
So... blessings are free to come in anytime.

Give to God, get a job!

Whoo, today's the first day of my work at Symantec. Wooaaht? Symantec? You mean the Norton Anti Virus company, listed as Fortune's Top #2 Businesses, Fortune's #43 Best companies to work in? WoooOaaahHt?! Yea, I cannot believe it myself either.
I'm currently a temp staff in the Customer Care Department, and the first day of work was 7 hours of orientation training introducing me to tasks such as verifying customer details via email and calls, updating verified particulars on the trustworthy ORACLE database....blah. And some Australians can be so arrogant when they know that you are calling from Asian countries. Urgh.
And tomorrow apparently there's still stuff to be learnt, man, so many things to do!! I wonder if I can absorb all.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I didn't even make an effort to land myself this job? For the past one month, I have been giving to my church's building fund. This is a six-month long pledge, in which most members in my church have pledged a certain amount and would be giving faithfully for this six months. Since the start of this pledge, I have already heard many testimonies about how people have sowed and reaped financial blessings... Like one of my members, Sharon, she has been giving, but never in lack, because God blessed her with a job, and her father struck top prize in 4D! As for me, I knew that this second month would not be easy, as I was already running low of cash. To meet my pledge, I would need a job quickly after my examinations. I prayed and claimed His promise, that indeed, if I'm called to give, He shall also be my Provider!

As the exams got nearer, I was beginning to wonder about getting a job. I definitely didn't want to stay on as a Sales Promoter at Takashimaya, or anywhere else...I wanted to move on, to somewhere offering more pay and allow me to enhance my Resume. I didn't know how it would happen for it seemed like I was likely to end up doing sales or waitressing again..
But wow!! God really provides and knows all my needs and worries!

During an MSN conversation with my sister, she was casually asking me about finding job..Then she asked me if I wanted to work at her office..Praise God, so coincidentally, a girl temppping at her company is resigning! It is just in time! God is never early, never late, but just on time! Praise Him! For indeed those who sow shall reap in due season!
This job will not only bless me financially, but also enhance my Resume! *delighted*

Ah.. wonderful. I'm still amazed by it.

'Tis the season to be mugging

Hog the study, it smells so musty
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
'Tis the season to be mugging
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don we now in thick gay glasses
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.
Scrolls and books that we devour on
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

See the blazing notes before us
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Strike the pen and get to business.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
No more time for merry leisure.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
A common time to suffer seizures.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Fast away the exam pass me
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Hail the holidays and party
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sing we joyous, all together.
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
heedless of the wind and weather.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Well. I was bored. Ergggggh. 4 days into study week and I merely finished one chapter. fa. la. la.

a privilege to play

I had my first gig last Friday. first gig as a drummer in a music band, that is.
Though I didn't perform the best I could, and in fact I screwed up (to the grimace of this onlooker who walked away when I lost a beat during a fill-in). hahaa.. Well, but I feel really privileged...albeit the nervousness and shivering hands.

The truth is, its been quite some time I've been wondering when God would use me in the drums. I know there's a reason for me having the drumset, for the wondrous miracle that my mom did not rant and disown me when I bought the drumset without her permission. I've been dreaming, fantasizing, about a first gig, ever since I had a first touch of a drumset. (thanks estee. =P) And it all ended last Friday, not the perfect jubilant set that I always dreamts of, it was a surreal 15-min experience that I am not even sure if we really played, played.

I don't remember us performing, we simply jammed outside the corridor of LT 21. The best part was not in the moment when the crowds cheered us on when we completed a satisfatory rendition of Switchfoot's Meant to Live, nor would it be the hungry hours of waiting "kopeing" nachos by the set for our turn to play, and it would defintely not be the heart-wrenching second displayed by the guy who walked away in grimace.

It had to be in the spontaneity of playing "Amazing". James suggested it and the two of them, James and Veroy, children church singers, led the set. Though it was our usual worship song and there were many unbelievers around, I had so much joy playing this beautiful song. Indeed, God has heard my prayers... my cries to Him to be used on the drums.

Meanwhile, I need to be more diligent in practising.

conviction always comes in the late nights

The song I sing in the night

I sing to You Lord

My loneliest times

True worship rise, to You my King

Conviction comes, guilt never remains

Only lessons learnt

I learn, to hold on to an everlasting destiny

I'm so small, so insignificant

It's because of You that my worth's of importance.

I love You

I always will.

I went to Baybeats - the first and second night. Actually both nights were boring. But moshing during Surreal was inevitable. Once again, I returned home with muddy shoes and scratches from my leg. It was a great workout too. haha.

It was fun, but I couldn't see the meaning in moshing amidst all the people you don't know...

I was just another excited little kid in the crowd, whose presence there was redundant, like everyone else. (except that I can't say for this malay guy that actually pulled me up when I fell down during moshing. I could have been flattened by the stampede if he hadn't pulled me up. thanks sweets.)

There's just this sense of urgency inside, after returning home that night. No matter what I do, I must make sure that I am "leaving behind a legacy." (quote from Kaili) I'm not living for fun, for drums, for music.

Well you might be wondering what moshing actually is. if you're the spectator, what you would observe is people pushing each other and collective u see a blob of rhythmic mess. If you unluckily or luckily get in the midst of a mosh, you are being pushed around back and forth and all you know is you're in a mess. check out this link. http://members.aol.com/rik0lar/moshing/how2.htm

My sister's wedding

Pretty!
what's that? Golden egg ornaments? nah, it's Chocolate- coated almonds. Wedding gifts from my sister's wedding banquet dinner.


It was my beloved sister's wedding more than a month ago. I feel so priviledged to be a part of it.. to be able to be a blessing to them. At times I was so happy for her, I felt like crying.. hahah
I was rather stressed up due to school work and having to help out..nevertheless. It was great.

My role for this important day: Music co-ordinator and Ah-Yee (What on earth is an Ah-Yee?!)
For the music part, I choose and compile the songs and music for the various items like March-in, fanfare, champagne toasting. As for being an Ah-Yee, I just get paid for looking pretty (but not to outshine the bride) and to follow the bride around. Sounds good ah. Not when it is in such humid weather and in a house where there is no air-conditioning! Anyway, here's how it went.

2 June 2004 - Wedding rehearsal at Holiday Inn Crystal Ballroom
After a long day in school which started from 8am at the freezing cold studios, it was back again to freezing cold at 6pm at the ballroom. A rehearsal was essential for confirming last minute changes, to ensure that the video and music could be played as planned and also, to make sure the flower girls learn how to walk down the red carpet.

That's Ah Fie, the groom getting the girls into position. His niece, Jael (left), and my niece, Anatascia(right). and Sophia, my sis at the entrance of the ballroom.

A very nervous Anastascia.
well I thought this was an interesting shot.

3 June 2004 - The night before
The girls come over, to chit chat and brief about the long awaited day.

check this out!! my sis bought these heartshaped scrungies for us, Ah Yees, to wear on our wrists.. sweet.

4 June 2004 - Today is the day! (Morning)
It starts early. Makeup artist, Dily, arrives at 7:30 to do Sophia's hair and makeup.

Then the Ah Yees arrive...to crowd around the bride in their chatty atmosphere...and to do their job when the bridegroom arrives.
had to answer these questions:
1. What is Sophia's weight?
2. How many kids does she wanna weigh?
3. What is her bra cup size? !!!

Of course, with the help of my second sister-in-law who scurried between Sophia's room and the living room to be a "spy" who discreetly showed him the answers with sign language, he managed to asnwer them correctly.. hehe without the Ah-Yees knowing. but that was NOT ALL! He had to sing a part of "More than words"! He conveniently forgot the words of the song after singing half a line... and he had to make up for it for shouting "I Love You" across the living room until she responded! Woohoo. Finally he gained entry into the house after rewarding the Ah-Yees with a big angbao!
Checking out the angpao money behind closed doors.

He gains entry finally...Check out those wide smiles..

And then the day went on... from our house to his house and then back to our house again, for tea reception.

Dang, I didn't charge the camera properly the night before, so I totally missed out on pictures for this tea reception segment! And this was the part she was wearing the traditional chinese "Kua"!

Anyway, this is the picture taken by the pro photographer. The uncle was really experienced man, he was more like a director, controlling the scenes and making sure the people were in the right direction. He even made the "auspicious" woman have her back facing the camera to look like she was washing the cups while capturing the couple receving angbao from Fie's parents. He really kept us amused!

>>Fastforward

4 June 2004 - Today is the day! (Holiday Inn - Deluxe Suite and Crystal Ballroom)

showing off our heartshaped scrungies

my mom sure looked hot to me for once.

cute.

4 June 2005, Holiday Inn Parkview. May the beautiful memories stay with them as they look back, may God bless them in the years to come...

a glimpse of heaven

a glimpse of heaven

Have been reading this book that Jon lent me, Heaven is so real, by Choo Thomas, a Korean-American. It's about this lady who has actually been to heaven and in it she describes the many many encounters she had meeting God and how heaven looked like. I'm only at the fifth chapter...and I have been very touched already. More than that, as I read.. the scenes mentioned in her book reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago. Though what she described was a factual account, and mine, a short fiction piece written through much inspiration, I couldn't help but notice the resemblence.

After two years, I realised what I wrote earlier might just be some hint of heaven. Well. I don't know.

read it here.

Be still.

Be still.
Just want to share a revelation that I received the other day...

I was praying and I saw a vision of peaceful waters and a dove flying down gently causing ripples in the water.
In my heart I was thinking, "ok, so dove is the Holy Spirit...so what about the waters?..."
I prayed for God to begin to reveal to me what the vision signifies. Then I realised the waters is like our soul. In our life we have many dreams, desires, tasks and responsibilities. Often our soul is busy occupied with all these things, however, the soul that is busy and anxious is like waters that are full of boisterous waves.
Would there even be an impact when the dove gently comes upon the water?
Unless we quieten our soul and be still, then can we be so sensitive to the Holy Spirit that comes gently to move in our lives..
Be still..and know that He is in control.

Ps 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

The Holy Spirit is real.

The Holy Spirit is real.

Though this is long outdated "news" in my life, but I am more than excited to share this...

It was a phenomenal week I had previous week, I experienced the Holy Spirit so real in my life. Encounters upon encounters that has opened up my eyes and enlarged my faith.
That week, Pst Phil Pringle was in town and we had a three day conference in church. On the first night, I happened to go home with Irenaus and we began chatting...She told me about how she ministered to this old forty something "ah beng" and all the funny details during the encounter..
At the end of it she was just sharing that many of us are often occupied with the many tasks and busy with serving, going to church, cellgroup, doing followup..and then at the end of the day we wonder, "When is God going to use me?" Then she continued, "As long we remain faithful over the little things, God will use you.."
*BHAM* By then there were tears in my eyes, because it was the exact same words that God was reminding me in the morning! Wow. I was so touched. I trusted Him.
The next day, I managed to invite my cousin to church and boy, I could really see that she wants to know God. She asked me if I had an extra bible to give her because she finds it interesting to read it. I really ask God that He would manifest Himself as she reads..And then I realised, a year ago I was facing a breakup. It wasn't easy to move on, but I grew from it and now I've emerged stronger. AND right now, she's facing a breakup and I could understand how she feels and share with her what I've been through. Indeed, God does not let any of our hurts and experiences go wasted. He has a plan for everything!

Through the past few weeks, I learnt that this life I lead is really not my own. Submitting my decisions, actions and lifestyle to Him is an ultimate experience for me..Just last week, a friend of mine came up to me and said, "Julia, something that you told me that day changed my life." I was so encouraged! It turned out that she was facing a major crisis in her life that required her to make a decision...and a statement that I made over dinner caused her to affirm her faith and she made the decision to not give up. Wow. So this is how God speaks to different individual one of us. and each of us could be one that speaks into people's life, because we are all temple of the Holy Spirit!

I thank Him for using me. I know that walking with Him has really changed my life and it is always exciting to see how He let things happen..WOooh.

Praising Him even when all else fails.

Praising Him even when all else fails.

Since I don't really have time to blog.. I guess I'll just paste from something I wrote earlier on in my email to my sister. Hope this encourages!
______________________________________

-dated 18 April 2005-

Dearest Sis..

I just wanna share with you about my encounter with God... The past few weeks, as you've known.. I've been having holidays..
However, I felt that I haven't been able to do much.. especially after promising you to help with the photos and the songs selection..
it all took so long.. I'm still selecting the songs.. yeah.. but most of all I haven't felt fruitful..even though I have been busy, but yeah. u know
what I mean.
Then Sunday morning, I went to church, Pastor was preaching a very very short and simple sermon about praising God. He started by
talking about how the high degree of anointing comes from a high price, that is high level trials and also dependent on the degree of surrender.
In my heart, I was thinking, "I'm like not going through much trial leh, wah there much more room to be more anointed!"
Then he went on to talk about David praising God, even when he was going through the hardest testings and desolations. He emphasized that we should always remember, Ps 34 "I will praise the Lord at ALL times", bad or good.
I left church, happy with what I received...and went on..met friends, went movie, then went strikeforce training at night...
NIGHT. yes. My church is having live recording for our church album (think Hillsong, Planetshakers), so strikeforce is involved in playing one of the tracks. And it is often inevitable that rehearsals go til very late cos of this spirit of exellence and also constraints cos ppl have to work in the day.. Anyway. Yea.
I reached home...Mom was not happy as usual..but this time, God kept reminding me what I learnt. I just told her the truth. That I really love her, but I love Jesus too. I love to glorify Jesus. She mocked me and called me stupid. Wah I thank God, my cellgroup leader always say, "I'd rather be a fool in the sight of man, than to be in the sight of God." Then I told her, it's ok.. Though, in my heart I was rather helpless and grieved, but by the grace of God I was able to let her say, and tell her that I love her and have no means to want to let her worry or become crazy.. She kept accusing.. then I went into your room and pray..Thank God got your room ah (hee, then can lock mah!).
I began to praise God. It was hard. But I just did and praised and sangs songs to Him. I thanked Him for Mom too.
Then I realised, "WOW! God actually spoke and provided a solution even before it happened!"
It was really great, I just sat there and fellowshipped with Him. I continued praising and worshipping. He was there with me. We were having a conversation, a most comforting one. He even joked with me! haha.. It's just WOOOOOOOOH. wonderful.

I really hope to be used by Him mightily, I want to be able to bring souls to His kingdom, esp this holidays..
You would support me all the way right? haha.

Yes. I just hope that reading this would encourage you too. =) love ya sis. So much.



--
Peace Faith Hope Love.
Jules

It's You and me now.

It's You and me now.

I was praying that day..and was prompted to pick up my pen and write. and this was what came out.

Dear Lord, come and dwell in me
How beautiful is Your name
How magnificent is Your grace
Creator of all heaven and earth
the works of Your hands exudes with fullness of Your beauty

Jesus, I want to be like You
To be strong and holy
To give my all and live for You

Jesus, no words can describe my gratefulness
No acts can redeem my worth
But only through You, that I am made whole

Many times I tried
I thought I was strong
Through it all
It's Your love that survived on
I was foolish
I was blind
A love so unfailing, I can't believe I missed
But then it doesn't matter

It's me and You now.
It's me and You now.

Together we storm the seas
Spirit to Spirit, stride to stride
In this perfect love, there is no fear at all, at all
Together we dare to risk
Faith to faith, glory to glory
In this perfect love, there is no fear at all, at all

It's You and me now.

_____________________________________________________________________

I thank him for this. Every single day with Him is just surprises after one another. He surprised me with this poem. Indeed He is the creative Spirit, Elohim.

all in the name of fun.

all in the name of fun.

A weekend of fun helped me understand myself better.
Singing away into the wee hours, when the rest of Singapore is asleep.
We laughed, we sang, we screamed, we danced...and drank**
Kept awake by the medication of happy atmosphere
Our bodies pushed to the limit yet our hearts rose to the occasion
it was more than a birthday, like a celebration of friendship after all

Crazy stunts we did, stupid acts we laughed ourselves at
performed to while the hours of boredom,
I climbed out of the windows, getting high on viewing Orchard Rd below

literally

grace was really not in my head then.

The drinks depleted, vibrance faded, faces wasted
leaving the place where another man's sleeping time was spent extravagantly
we roamed the cold street, which it brewed with much life in the day
we waited. to catch the first train, as the fatigue rumbled within.

Our hopes were shattered when the train arrived with its many passengers
We then realised, our foolishness, compared to these who were working the night away.
Sleep was really catching up on us, we were just stops away before we fignt no more.
We gave our goodbyes and wished the boy happy birthday.
We went our separate ways and I was alone again, like before I met them the night before.

The dawn broke as I walked a peaceful walk home.
A pang rose in my stomach. Not of hunger, but of the Spirit.
A sense of conviction, accompanied with grief.
All this, in the name of fun,
they laughed, they sang, they screamed, they danced...and drank
til all consciousness of reality is put away

Could they do this forever?

____________________________________________________________

**Yes, I took a few sips of alcohol before realising I am not 18 yet.
All because I'm used to drinking with my family at home.
Don't worry, I have told my cellgroup leader about it and
I have gone through discipleship. =)
I've taken up the challenge to not take alcohol at all, even at home.

Yeah, I had fun, but it was meaningless, cept the part about spending time together and appreciating one another.
Nevertheless, here are some shots of our happy moments..

this is so SHE. ughh.


BOYCOTT ALCOHOL!

sha la la. I think thats all. I just want to be holy child of God.

Time to repay the debt of love

Time to repay the debt of love

I feel that for the past few weeks or even months, I have been like a living zombie. Going through day to day, completing tasks to tasks, meeting people and stuff, and yet, I don't feel fruitful. Though it has been really a priviledge to keep myself busy by serving God - going for choir practice, doing follow up on cell group members, making cards for new friends, making mallets for upcoming live recording and so forth, it did not feel fulfilling at all. There's something inside screaming for more.
And then I realised why I feel like a living zombie.
I did not put in any effort to build relationships with the people around me. That's why everything felt dry.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you..."

I need to learn to forsake my needs and desires and submit to this holy commandment. Love without any worries.
Sometimes we are afraid to love, because of our past rejections and hurts.

Nevertheless, the bible says that we are debtors of love. Romans 13:8 "Owe no one anything except to love one another."

Friends and family, sorry for not being showing more concern or giving you my time. Sorry if I appeared to be disinterested in anyway.
I really love all the people around me. But people don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care!
I need to sow into more lives.

Action-packed

I haven't blogging for quite some time. (urh, like you guys didn't know righhhht. ) I really want to. but I was busy. Many times I find the craving to blog, but I was simply too busy. with these things:

1. ONE helluva paper for exam - which I was given an ample week to study for yet, fared pathetically because of the lack of faith in the lecturer and tutor who gave contrasting advice.

2. TWO evenings of mallet making and tomtoms wrapping right after my exams, that led to more tomtoms wrapping during the two actual days of Easter drama production 2005

3. THREE approximate hours of rollerblading at East Coast Park with Carryn, Esther and Dan today.

_________________________________________________________________________________

1. Media Management Principles, what a professional and cheem name. But professional and cheem were certainly not the words to describe my lecturer and tutor. I was stupid enough to actually bother to actually take my own stride for this paper. In the end, what my tutor mentioned would come out for the paper really did come out. UGH. It's so sick. Nevertheless, it's all over. THE dreaded term IS OVER!!!!!!! I'm just crossing my fingers before the results come out.

2. The next day right after the paper, it was serving God all the way man. Reporting early afternoon at my wonderful home at the extreme western area of Singapore, I was confused and filled with bewilderment. "AM I really gonna serve at children's church?! I mean like, me??!" I am one of the last people on earth who actually scares kids and make babies cry when I don't mean to. Anyway, I survived it all. Through the grace of God, none of the preschool kids that saw me were scared or did any of them cry.. In fact, they were so cuteeeee and friendly and they just tug at your shirt and go "Hi auntiee!!" (yea, "auntie" abit to0 old for me.. but it really melts your heart to see the lil tots run around happy and excited!)

OOHHH! and yes the best part was to catch James in action! Other than singing as a backup vocalist for praise and worship, he also acted in the Easter drama as a toy cowboy. Quote of the play from him, (said with much enthusiasm, eyes and mouth openwide), "Look! Mr. Toymaker made me a new pair of boots!" hahahhaah.. ok.

Yes, the story is about the benevolent Toymaker who in his fullness of creativity, created many many toys, including the cowboy, the ragdoll, the ballerina doll, the clown, and the evil ice queen. Though each of these toys were not perfect, Mr. Toymaker continued to love them all still. The toys were happy with the way they were. However, one day, the wicked ice queen came by and told them of a better place to be, and told them that Mr. Toymaker does not love them at all. In their ignorance, they wondered about the magical place that the ice queen talked about and considered following the ice queen there. The toys left Mr. Toymaker.
They travelled a long journey. Initially, they were all excited and hyped up during the journey, singing songs and having much fun. Days and months past... and the weather began to turn cold. By this time, they were shivering and struggling to move even an inch. Soon, they reached their destination. It was not the colourful and lively place they had imagined. It was freezing cold and there was strong chilly winds blowing all the time around the icy terrain. The toys then realised they had been deceived. However, by now, it was too late for them to turn back or do anything; all the toys were trapped at the Ice Palace under the power of the ice queen.
Meanwhile, Mr. Toymaker felt very hurt to find out that his toys had all left him. His son consoled him, and assured him that he will help him to find the toys back. The only way to find the toys, however, meant that Mr. Toymaker has to sacrifice his son. Because of his love for the Mr. Toymaker, the son agreed to sacrifice himself.
At Ice Palace, the toys became hungry and lifeless and angry. They fought amongst each other food and argued about who caused them to be in this miserable state. At this point, a toy soldier appeared and brought them presents. Their faces lighted up to realise it was Mr. Toymaker's son, here to bring them home! They were overjoyed. and then.. Everybody lived happily ever after... except the evil ice queen.. that was banished in the washing machine.

It is truly a meaningful story. We are like the toys that God made. All of us are different and unique. As the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side, we succumb ourselves to the lies that the devil tell us and more often than not, we give in to temptations and follow the deceptions of the devil. The devil, knowing that he has already been condemned and would spend his life eternally in hell, would search for ways to deceive us so that he could catch a few of us to accompany his lonely days in hell. But God is faithful and his love for us so great, that He was willing to send His son to bring us back to Him.

-end of preaching- =P

Whoops. and that was not even day one of serving God. Later at night, it was all about making mallets on the the drumsticks and wrapping the drum toms. That was the task for the next 3 days. We wrapped and we wrapped. It got so sick of seeing white masses of cardboard all the time. ahhaha. Anyway, I enjoyed myself in the midst of all the shouting ," Penknife!" "Puncher!" "Scotchtape!" "Scissors!" and the developing of calluses on my fingers. It was really a privilege to play this minute part in the Easter Drama. As I began to watch the drummers play on the stage, I felt so proud that my work of wrapping and tying and pasting and punching had been put to good use! (haha. I know that sounds stupid. )

And that was Easter for me.

3. Rollerbladinggggggg was fun! The blades were good and comfortable too! 7 bucks for the whole day. Wooh. Anyone up for blading soon?

feeling thankful.

feeling thankful.
putting down the phone, an unconscious smile I brought with me

feeling thankful, to have him in my life.

it was not the longest conversation, neither the most interesting of all

just a word of concern in my job-hunting desperation

no it isn't the pretty boy that flutters my heart

it isn't the punk that shares my liking in the kids who get up*

19 years my senior, he's seen me through the phases

he's my brother, whom I've learnt to love and from whom I learnt to enjoy the company of family togetherness.

*refers to The Get Up Kids

I really should be studying. The only fruitful thing I did today was to go to school to do a 400 word chinese essay for the China CDS programme selection. I need to NOT procrastinate anymore.

Healing is for today

Healing is for today

I experienced the power of the Lord today. Been suffering from ailments in my left knee joint for quite some time due to old injuries from basketball..On certain days I would be fine, having the ability to run and jump and hop and race down stairs with no difficulty at all. But on some days, it was impossible for me to even go after a bus that was less than 8 metres away. For the past few days, the knee pains struck. I was unable to race down the stairs from my block like I always do. Well, I still went with Karen to her first workout at California gym anyways. Ran, (funny but I still ran a effortless 2.4km), did some weights. (I think I ought to punish myself cos I shouldn't even run with a condition like that. It probably causes my knee to deteriorate.)

Anyway, my knee continued to hurt after gymming and walking down each step summoned an ache that warned of a worn out knee. Finally, we were at church and having praise and worship. It just felt weird, cos I wasn't able to jump like other days. The knee was a hindrance; it kept me from going high singing praises to the Lord. In my heart, I secretly hoped that God's power would move and heal me by the end of service. Goodness. It turned out today's message was about healing, to prepare for the upcoming Benny Hinn crusade this following weekend.

At the end of service, Pastor Kong wanted us to pray for healing for the people around us. I lifted my hand so that I could be prayed for. Fanny and Karen and others all came to me and laid hands on my knee. We started praying in tongues and immediately I felt the power of God fall upon me. I began to cry and I felt my left knee was cold. I was excited and truly touched by the presence of God as the tears continued to flow. I was positive God had healed me. After their hands left my knee, I bent my knee. It didn't feel like before, at all! I jumped. I COULD JUMP. Praise the Lordddddd!!!
It was wonderful. God moves. In the atmosphere of faith. Thank you Jesus. For by your 40 stripes, all diseases has been borne, and now healing shall come!

Wow. If this happened in a normal service, then there's more to come next week when Benny Hinn comes. I can't imagine. The power of God will be manifested before our eyes. People, if you need healing, or know of somebody that does, do come down to the Indoor Stadium this Friday or Saturday night. I can't wait.

Don't smoke it breaks my heart

Don't smoke it breaks my heart

I finally understood why as a kid I used to complain against my Dad to my mom when he smoked. Not because I wanted to get favour from my mom, but I actually love my Dad so much, I didn't want him to hurt himself by smoking.

Today I saw something that I shouldn't have. It broke my heart. I was at the bus stop accross the road from TP when I saw that familiar figure. According to my astigmatic vision observed his gestures to be lighting up a cigarette. He was accross the road, at the bus stop opposite where I was. Frantically, I took out my specs and fitted them to confirm if what I saw was really happening. To my shock, it was really him. Lighting up a cigerette as he walked out the campus towards the bus stop. My heart broke at that instant.

Images of past events flashed through and questions were raised in my head. I thought that he had ever said that he would never smoke. It simply hurt me, especially the thought of how often he would have picked up that life-damaging butt these days.

Well, it's none of my business now. I still care, but what will happen, will. I will just continue to keep my smoking friends in my prayers. Friends, if you're reading this, it's not that I love irritating you with sarcastic remarks about smoking. From the bottom of my heart, you matter to me.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh.. my modem's spoilt.. it's kinda irritating man I can only use Darling Denise's lappy like now, or use the overcrowded comp labs.

I feel fat. very very.

I feel fat. very very.
Man. Like what's new. Once again, I am fat. I can't stand myself, I just keep eating, knowing what each and single of these consumables are doing to my body. I actually successfully shed 3.5kgs before the Chinese New Year, through a diet that stuck strictly to veg and fruits. And my weight was back to its former glory after all the steamboats and cashew sugees. YEUK. it is scary I know.
This is really sinful. Lack of self-control and discipline is an abomination to the Lord. I think I need to fast on vegetables and fruits again. I really need to.
Otherwise I would be really dependent on food when I do projects. haha. According to what I learnt in psychology, this can be a case of classical conditioning whereby:

Neutral Stimulus: Project or assignment to be done

Stimulus to be conditioned: Food

Response: Do assignment

Hence, after much repetition of eating while doing work, my body and mind has been conditioned to only do work when I have food in my mouth.

THIS IS BAD.

Pray pray pray.

Strikeforce Chingay 2005

Strikeforce Chingay 2005<

It was a really fun experience at Orchard today. Screaming and going crazy, simply having fun and letting go.
I really hate to say this, but I think I feel like I'm in a clown suit because the sprayed paint was done all over my costume, looking like neon green print instead of subtle sprays that look garang.
Anyway, it was an enjoyable experience serving God in this event. I feel really tired tho. Physically and mentally. Everything was halfway to shutdown mode when the parade ended. I didn't know what I was doing man. Met a friend, didn't know how to react either. Talked gibberish and in a daze I forgot how to use the EZ link card machine. The couple behind was laughing at me. hahaa...
Oh. Before I forget, NO!! You guys haven't missed me in action!!! The real Chingay Parade would be live on tv tomorrow!! Do watch...!!! Strikeforce is the third last item I think..
In any case, we are followed by this bunch of american school babes clad in the stars and stripes costume and then a group that has people dancing around dressed as orhids.

*yawn* My eyelids drooping.
I need to sleep.

Cya!

Under Serious Attack

Under Serious Attack

I find that I can't take this anymore.


this is war
cannot take it anymore (cannot take it anymore)
i'm falling faster and bleeding more
than i have bled before certain death (the pain will cause a purpose)
lingers on the other hand (and if you feel defeated)
but i will fight you
and victory will be mine in the end

circumstances mean nothing
when it's over
we will be
heroes constantly
pushing forward without any fear

if i erased the line between
forgotten names and memories
i'd never change

resolution made in vain
to face (to play out) the day
life is yours to save (save it)
or take (take it) away

- Emery - Under Serious Attack

Just take away everything. I've never felt so hopeless. Lord I need divine strength.

My closest encounter with Marijuana

My brothers never fail to fascinate me with their stories. Time after time, its always through these gathering that surprises pop out during conversations.

1. My second brother, Michael, never got retained in school before. He went to ITE, collected a total of 15 demerit points within the second week of school (the limit was 21 points for course of two years). The principal said to him, "I want to cane you before you leave." He told him, "I don't allow you to cane me. I'm leaving now." That was the end of his education.

2. He got caught for smoking Marijuana in camp. (He was in combat unit. COOOL!!) Got warned once, and he never touched it again.

3. His campmate gobbled twenty over pieces of roti prata after getting high on the M weed.

4. My eldest brother, David, was detained by the police for 13 hours of interrogation for happening to be at my house void deck at 12am after coming back home from work. some person's dad who was beaten up real bad.. and he and a few friends called the police. Then this drunken police officer came up to David and asked him in Hokkien, "So who is your friend!" David shouted back, "What friend?" The officer in his drunken stupor, snatched the tin of coffee from David's hand and flung it at him, spilling the warm brown liquid all over his shoulder. Enraged, David took a step forward and almost retaliated when the police officer shoved out a police warrant and said, "Come on, hit me if you dare." He withdrawed and there there.. I remember myself (when I was 5?) visiting the Bedok Police HQ to pick him up that morning......

3. My sis-in-law smoked second hand Marijuana in a pub in Italy. The petite lady she was, chowed down eight pieces of pizza, each the size bigger than her face.

Wooh. amazing discovery. All in an evening's conversation over a steamboat dinner.
I love my brothers..
To clear the air, those incidents happened more than 10 years ago.. my brothers are clean people with happy families now.

FYI Smoking Marijuana does not make you hungry. It simply intensifies whatever you feel at the point of smoking it. It can result in excessive drinking that drowns the lungs, overeating or cause one to lapse into a laughing fit or make one cry non stop.

The gloom tune

To leave this place, I took a step of faith

Once it brewed with the passion of two

A space of still air, a dark pit of gloom.

Stripped naked of clothes and thoughts

Leaving them all behind, including the shared dream we fought for.

What seemed common revealed disparities

No hesitations made to resolve uncertainties

We made our depart to go separate ways

Little did I know, my soul was trapped behind

It was trapped beneath the sheets, confused by the change in climate, cold lifeless air.

During the loneliest nights, the howling wind carries the voice from the gloomy room

Torments recycle as I drown myself in the same old tunes

With divine courage and heavy steps that charged back to the abandoned place where my soul lingers

the musty sheets I pulled and flung away with all brutal strength

The tunes died, my soul revived.

Been a long time since I felt so poigant to write a poem.

Weee

Had a feature writing test today. It was rather easy, thank God, despite me sleeping and playing drums the whole afternoon yesterday. Jamming for the first time in who knows how many months today. Never felt so good about jamming before. Went all the way down to Bukit Batok, but it was all worthwhile man. Never been to such a clean, neat and comfortable studio before...24 for 2 hours and we got an extra half an hour because the guy tending the place went home with Sheng's IC! haha.
Guys, if you're looking for a place to jam, ALVRON is the place man! Just take 173 from clementi interchange or 61 from bukit batok interchange!
It was really fun today, thanks Sheng! So much to learn from you. And thanks for squashing my hand with yucky soya sauce-pepper-flavoured eggshell. Uek.

a little more than half emo

I AM 52% EMO! Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater. Take the EMO test at Fuali.com

sian

this is wrong.
Its just the start of the year and everything doesn't feel right. I don't feel motivated or hopeful about stuff.. and just a month ago.. towards the end of the year, I felt that everything was hopeful and things would become more exciting for the coming year.

I am procrastinating. I haven't done any work for the week. Been slacking since monday. I hate the internet. It just gets me hooked and I deviate from doing serious work. Thank God I only have one test this term. Went lil India yesterday with my sister, brought her to shape her eyebrows.. procrastinated from going home and hung out a little after dinner with her. Today, I went sneaker hunting with Danielle and Bernie at Queensway and Orchard. Took the whole afternoon and then dropped by Wee Lee Aljunied to join the Jams church musician at their jamming session. Cool. Though I didn't get to play.. but.. Wow. So much for me to learn. David's great. Rather happy that they are including me for their next jamming session. Hope I will get to play.. and learn some stuff from David.

Speaking of that. Jamming with Narroway coming Tues. Sheesh. I haven't learnt the songs. Don't know if I have enough time man.... there's still project work, psych quizzes, photography to be done and feature writing test to study for.. and.. Sunday night there's strikeforce, Sat is church day, Fri...mayb drum lessons and at night hanging out with Joc and co. So technically I'm left with tomorrow. Man, precious. I've gotta cherish what I have tomorrow.

Not my day at all.

It's so comfortable typing from this soft rubbery keyboard... whheeee. I wished this ibook G4 was mine.. Better run away with it before Denise comes back from the school bookshop with that stupid plastic cover that costs $2.65. Photography is an expensive module man. Thank God I chose not to use the film camera, otherwise I would have spent more than 30 bucks on camera batteries, film, developing and printing like the others did. And all this just to submit one out of five of the deadlines.

Crap. I thought it was really my day yesterday when I scored a picture perfect shot just before I crhossed the road to the printing shop. It was brilliant. (thanks BPC!) And I just found out other than submitting one 8R shot, I've gotta also submit a total of 24 shots in a cd. And I don't have a camera now. My friend, which I borrowed the camera from, deleted some of the pictures I took. urrggggh. I'm lost.

Scheduled to jam coming wednesday. I havent learnt any of the songs yet. Sigh.

what.

I just accidentally deleted the photo I was planning to submit for my photography deadline on Friday.
and they say it takes at least two days to get the pictures printed. and I have to start worrying for my journalism deadline on Tuesday. and I just completed my psychology proposal. and freak, I forgot. I'm supposed to do follow up by 11pm today and I just missed the deadline. Dang. and what am I doing here typing away, wallowing in self pity.

It's a new year, and I believe this year is going to be really great. Though it does not seem like a really fantastic start for now, but I have much optimism that things would pick up pretty soon. I had one of the more subdued new years' celebration this year. Choosing to be shy after bitten by that rotten pickpocket on Christmas eve, I opted for a low profile celebration with Owen and Emelia. What was crazy about that: We walked a total of more than 1.5 hours from the McDonald's opposite Parkway to East Coast to catch the ships give out light signals at midnight before we finally reached my apartment at New Upp Changi Rd. hahahhaha! It wasn't exactly fun, but it was good to spend time together, though I felt Eme was bothered. (hope she's fine already.) James arrived later in the night and the first thing he did was to fall asleep on my bed. The three of us had to squeeze on this single mattress on the floor while we played one tedious round of the Mad Magazine. We then finally fell asleep as soon as we played Sweet November vcd. That was it. 2005 New Year's Eve.

HOW.....am I gonna get the picture? I'm supposed to take it before 800-1030.. but lessons start at 9. and I don't think I can take it after school because it would be too late for printing then? Urgh.. I haven't practised the songs scheduled for jamming. and I seriously need to get started for my journalism and psychology deadlines next week. and I haven't done readings for MM Prin. sheesh. NO. NO NO. I shouldn't be worrying. Pray. Pray.