Finally. I finished my four journals. Goodness. How could I have done that. Of course, when the quality is lacklustre. Sheesh, though I've finished I still don't feel like going for lecture later. Nah I have to. My attitude these days just suck. I'm living in the flesh man, no longer hold a sense of direction. I mean, I do, but it isn't as strong as it was last week. Things aren't working out well. I haven't been praying (that is really bad.)
I was really enthusiastic, I thought, man, this time I'm gonna make the band happen, I got all excited, set the songs and date for jamming and posted bulletins and asked around for a potential vocalist.
A handful of replies came and I don't know what to do without Gwen's opinion.
I don't know I really don't know what's happening. I tried smsing her, she doesn't reply. I duno who the others are in the band. Urrrrgh. Are we gonna jam yet. What are we waiting for.. I don't know... Are we seriously gonna start with stuff like creed and radiohead? I mean I don't mind.. but.. I thought all along it was supposed to be finch? I wonder what she's busy with.. cos.. if this doesn't work out I'm moving on.
Speaking of the replies I had for the vocalists, hah, this guy actually read the bulletin wrongly and called me on my handphone and asked if I was interested to be their vocalist. He was like,"May I speak to zZ Zzu Zuu-liaahh please?" In my heart I was afraid it was somebody I don't wanna talk to, I asked in a rather fierce tone who he was. (hope I didn't scare him.) I heaved a huge sigh of relief mentally when he told me he was from Dead by Sunrise. Then I realised why he called me zz Zzu Zulliaaah. hahahaaa cos my friendster's Zuliaa and stace helped me posted using The Local Scene account. Anyway, after putting down the phone, I thought it wasn't such a bad idea for me to do vocals. Well I'm vocally trained too. heh.. and it's fun to scream your hearts out. I duno, I might wanna try for fun. haha.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Reminiscent
Re-recorded the song I came up with. I wonder if the guitars and drums are ever gonna be added to it.
Was packing my room, chanced upon my organiser for 2003. Yeah, you should be wondering why on earth would I still be keeping it, it's already going to be 2005 for goodness sake. yeahhhh. It's not even one of those fanciful diaries you spend a bomb at Kino or Prints. It's just an old ringbinded notebook you get for, say $2.40, at your friendly neighbourhood bookshop. And it has loads of graffiti on it with scraps of magazines of assorted pictures of bands and crap pasted on the covers..I flipped through it. It made me feel like secondary school was so long ago. Though I felt that this year went past quickly. In it were the notes and tasks I had to do... and the many poems I wrote during my angst of times. The many lyrics of songs that mirrored my mood. A class contact list pasted in it. A diary entry written at my most poignant moments on the last page as food for thought. There were many pieces of paper that were kept between the pages of the book. My designs of logos and graphics. (I probably stiill am the only one who appreciates them.) A note which the class girls wrote and drew for me on a piece of polyclinic receipt when I was feeling really depressed and isolated myself. (I wonder if they still remember it?) A piece of song lyric Bernie wrote for MD. In it she says, "Julia - 4 you - use it when MD comes out for real!" Well. I guess this piece would lie in peace forever between the pages for year 2003 August 11th week and 18th week then.
I had so much time to make this organiser precious and valuable. Well. We were young. No wonder flipping through the pages make me feel like secondary school was distant. Things are so different. Let's embrace the future.
Was packing my room, chanced upon my organiser for 2003. Yeah, you should be wondering why on earth would I still be keeping it, it's already going to be 2005 for goodness sake. yeahhhh. It's not even one of those fanciful diaries you spend a bomb at Kino or Prints. It's just an old ringbinded notebook you get for, say $2.40, at your friendly neighbourhood bookshop. And it has loads of graffiti on it with scraps of magazines of assorted pictures of bands and crap pasted on the covers..I flipped through it. It made me feel like secondary school was so long ago. Though I felt that this year went past quickly. In it were the notes and tasks I had to do... and the many poems I wrote during my angst of times. The many lyrics of songs that mirrored my mood. A class contact list pasted in it. A diary entry written at my most poignant moments on the last page as food for thought. There were many pieces of paper that were kept between the pages of the book. My designs of logos and graphics. (I probably stiill am the only one who appreciates them.) A note which the class girls wrote and drew for me on a piece of polyclinic receipt when I was feeling really depressed and isolated myself. (I wonder if they still remember it?) A piece of song lyric Bernie wrote for MD. In it she says, "Julia - 4 you - use it when MD comes out for real!" Well. I guess this piece would lie in peace forever between the pages for year 2003 August 11th week and 18th week then.
I had so much time to make this organiser precious and valuable. Well. We were young. No wonder flipping through the pages make me feel like secondary school was distant. Things are so different. Let's embrace the future.
A disastrous Christmas, yet made me realise the true meaning of it.
Christmas, the time of joy and sharing. Well. I certainly hope I found joy in giving away my precious wallet which Denise gave me for my birthday. And my beloved RED AND BLACK handphone with so many memories. TO A THIEF. sigh. I was still telling her how much I loved the wallet this morning... This two items I lost are SO ME! The design, the colour, the taste....everybody said it was so me the moment they saw the wallet. It's barely 5 days old. It got stolen. from my handbag.
Orchard Rd was so crowded I couldn't believe I was there. I was just screaming and convincing myself aloud that we shouldn't be there as we (barely) moved through the pack of human sardines. Darn. Those freaks were just spraying foam at everybody, even straight into the face of some innocent stranger who happens to be near. Thus my first resolution for the New Year 2005: I will not go to Orchard on eves of Christmas and New Year ever again. It was crazy. Of course to some others, it was really fun, because when else can you enjoy being dirty and sweaty like nobody's business, litter without being fined, spray at random people and cars without getting a lawsuit, molest the girls around you (you have no choice bcos everybody's squeezed together, you might as well touch more), and at the same time try your hand at picking your Christmas gifts from random handbags and pockets. I was revolted.
Christmas is not about this! It's so not! What's up with spraying people you don't know and then run off...you don't gain a thing man. cheap thrill. OH well. Some might think I feel that way cos my mood was influenced by the fact I lost stuff. but through this, what I really saw at Orchard was lost souls, people with no direction in life going around with a can of crap so that they could feel important for once.
Anyway. I love Christmas because it's a time people are open, to love and to be loved. It's a time I tell my friends how important they are to me. I'm glad Roy, Ivan, Darren and Ally came with me to the Indoor Stadium today.. It's a good way to spend Christmas together learning about the true meaning of it. I love them loads.
Hah. We were supposed to exchange gifts. Guess what. All of us bought the same stuff! CHOCOLATESSS!!!
Weeeee~ Ah. The more you eat, the bigger your hip. URGH.
It was a really long day today man. Started school at 8, ended 11. went over to Little India to thread my eyebrows with Bhavna (thanks for bringing me sweetie), so that I could dress up and look good for Christmas. YEA. like what ally said, SO MUCH FOR DRESSING UP. HHHAHAHAHAHA. nvm. It's ok. Though it sucks having to report and do all the cards. though there's so much memories, photos and messages AND NUMBERS from the phone... It's a good way to start anew... for the new year ahead. Nevertheless, though I felt a little lousy about losing my stuff, my day ended well! Hah. Guess who I met at Tanah Merah station. Thank God I chose to alight there and not Bedok. We meet at all kinds of place but never in school! Amazing. Anyways, it made my day. so.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!! GOD BLESS.
and all those reading this now. I lost my hp.. so... if there's anything you need to contact me... I guess its only MSN.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Sky in Euphoria
Praise the Lord!!
Sky In Euphoria has been featured in an US grammy article.. Wow. In it they mention about how this band plays and glorifies the Lord. Wooh. This is SO COOL. I wanna be like them.
Indeed the Lord has used them to reach out to many in Singapore. Continue to shine on! Rock on!
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
"Out Of Reach"
long way from home
lost by an echo
i'd never have known
i've got pictures to prove i was there
but you don't care
here's me overseas
across a pond by the Dover peaks
i've smuggled myself into new nationalities
you think you'd be proud of me
there's room to believe
out of sight
out of mind
out of reach
start over is no way to begin
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
this song's been playing in my head since the morning, but I couldn't figure out what the lyrics were. haha.
CPJ in the papers again! haha.. hmm. but Aloy is missing from the picture I wonder why... obviously the important highlight for the Speak Mandarin gig is not CPJ and definitely not their bassist. hoho. So proud of my brother anyways.. It's cool. I saw him on televsion that day, in the afternoon news. Man, it was really weird to see him on the television!!! The typical yet averagely funky guy u see on the Orchard Rd, who is your neighbour that lives a few levels above, that you talk crap with. ON THE TELEVISION for an event highly supported by our VERY Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew. Wow, these days you'll never know who you meet and what can happen man, especially when Singapore is so miserably small.
Yup. Speaking of mighty exploits, Strikeforce is performing STORM at Orchard Rd this Sunday!!!! Come on down man, it's gonna rock Singapore. May the Lord be magnified!! WooHoo
Monday, December 13, 2004
These ashes burn. Burn them all.
From this house of our friendship, shut the door and light the match.
Throw behind you, walk away. (You burn it down, you burn it down!)
These ashes
These ashes
These ashes burn.
I think that nothing can fly with this broken wing.
There's so much to hold on to now.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing, so here's a gift, in this feather.
Nothing can fly with this broken wing, so here's a gift, in this feather.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
There's just so many amazing ventures ahead, a breathtaking sight that is beyond my imagination. I know for sure I have to leave it all behind.. to burn the bridges I've passed before and destroy the pathways I've walked before. I won't go back, no I won't. The remnants to be cast into the fire and not a trace to be left behind. I've limped far enough with this broken wing, it's time I take this step of faith to leap across the cliff, I will fly.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
I can't accept the fact that things would never be the same.
Once again, I'm back at this deepest point in the valley.
It's a vicious cycle.
What am I doing? I really don't know. Who am I trying to be? What am I
trying to change? It's wrong. It's just wrong.
________________________________________________________________
Say Days Ago
I still remember a year ago
the times we spent
I think that I'm happier now
up from the down
by all means
it's strange cause I feel the same way
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
strange
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like
makes me ill
really ill
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
strange
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like, felt like
(said its strange coz i feel the same)
ill, makes me ill
makes me ill
makes me, makes me
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like, felt like
Once again, I'm back at this deepest point in the valley.
It's a vicious cycle.
What am I doing? I really don't know. Who am I trying to be? What am I
trying to change? It's wrong. It's just wrong.
________________________________________________________________
Say Days Ago
I still remember a year ago
the times we spent
I think that I'm happier now
up from the down
by all means
it's strange cause I feel the same way
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
strange
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like
makes me ill
really ill
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
I think of what it looks like
I think of what it tastes like
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
strange
same strange
said it's strange cause i feel the same
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like, felt like
(said its strange coz i feel the same)
ill, makes me ill
makes me ill
makes me, makes me
still remember what it tastes like
what it felt like, felt like
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
to wake up to reality
My first day of sem started with me scuttling from task to task right from the morning. I rushed to the bank to transfer the $150 I owed Ed..then I rushed to Peninsula to change my tee and check if the new stock came (to my disappointment, was delayed due to rain), then zipped back to school to meet the BPC for lunch, to make it in time for our first journalism feature writing lecture and then played a little basketball in the rain after that. From there, I thought I was running late to meet Adrian at TM for dinner, I scrambled to Yoshi to find him not there yet. We had a quick dinner with Nessa and of course, Nessa didn't believe he was only 16. (hah. still can't believe that people mistook this 16 year old boy for a father of two.) We left quickly after dinner for my last task of the day, Strikeforce training.
I was a little dreading practice man, cos I couldn't get the moves at all the night before. My brain and eyes were literally falling as my body kept up with the beat to perform the sequence. It felt really weird to have your eyelids closing and head bopping to slumber while your body is practising such forceful movements. Nevertheless, I learnt all the moves by last night. I woke up with aches in neck thighs and arms...wow..I feel so EXERCISED.
The holidays ended so quickly..and yet it was the most fulfilling vacation I ever had. I don't recall having any day wasted. I was so busy and every moment so meaningful, I thought it was the real life I am living for. I realised it wasn't. THERE IS SCHOOL and projects and a career to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!! darn. reality. I need to reorganise my priorities. The year is ending. Many things I looked forward to at the beginning of the year, would have to be left behind I guess. It should be a new start...sigh.
Aloysius is in Lianhe Zaobao and Straits Timestoday!!! WoooHoo. Together with his band, they are featured in the front page for zaobao for the Speak Mandrin campaign. hahaha... Its darn cool. They are performing for this Speak Mandarin campaign on 13 dec I think. Hoho. Now I can point to his face in the papers and go..Hey! He's my neighbour! haha. He asked me if I wanted to go watch the gig.. but I'm not free la..Not my type of music.. but it would be really interesting to see their blend of rock, metal, rap and hip hop.
They made it far because of their uniqueness in sound and language. It brought them even to HongKong to perform alongside the LazyMuthaFu****s. Still. I can't appreciate the music. haha.. Nevertheless they are talented musicians that write songs and skillful on their instruments. Haha.. In the Lianhe Zaobao article, the rapper from CPJ said that their vocab for chinese is limited, so they would always consult the dictionary when writing lyrics. Can't imagine how that is done man.
I feel fortunate that my Mandarin is above average, at least I can take pride to say that I can write in Chinese with a certain standard that most people can't. Oh not to forget! I have written an article for my school's paper, the STOPress...and it would be out really soon! And it is in Chinese. Can't waitttttt.
I was a little dreading practice man, cos I couldn't get the moves at all the night before. My brain and eyes were literally falling as my body kept up with the beat to perform the sequence. It felt really weird to have your eyelids closing and head bopping to slumber while your body is practising such forceful movements. Nevertheless, I learnt all the moves by last night. I woke up with aches in neck thighs and arms...wow..I feel so EXERCISED.
The holidays ended so quickly..and yet it was the most fulfilling vacation I ever had. I don't recall having any day wasted. I was so busy and every moment so meaningful, I thought it was the real life I am living for. I realised it wasn't. THERE IS SCHOOL and projects and a career to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!! darn. reality. I need to reorganise my priorities. The year is ending. Many things I looked forward to at the beginning of the year, would have to be left behind I guess. It should be a new start...sigh.
Aloysius is in Lianhe Zaobao and Straits Timestoday!!! WoooHoo. Together with his band, they are featured in the front page for zaobao for the Speak Mandrin campaign. hahaha... Its darn cool. They are performing for this Speak Mandarin campaign on 13 dec I think. Hoho. Now I can point to his face in the papers and go..Hey! He's my neighbour! haha. He asked me if I wanted to go watch the gig.. but I'm not free la..Not my type of music.. but it would be really interesting to see their blend of rock, metal, rap and hip hop.
They made it far because of their uniqueness in sound and language. It brought them even to HongKong to perform alongside the LazyMuthaFu****s. Still. I can't appreciate the music. haha.. Nevertheless they are talented musicians that write songs and skillful on their instruments. Haha.. In the Lianhe Zaobao article, the rapper from CPJ said that their vocab for chinese is limited, so they would always consult the dictionary when writing lyrics. Can't imagine how that is done man.
I feel fortunate that my Mandarin is above average, at least I can take pride to say that I can write in Chinese with a certain standard that most people can't. Oh not to forget! I have written an article for my school's paper, the STOPress...and it would be out really soon! And it is in Chinese. Can't waitttttt.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
I'm still waiting.
Am I still not doing anything? I should not place my destiny in the hands of others, that I know.
And thank God, after much praying and after I took the step of faith to give a $20 dollar offering despite the fact I knew I would have to go without money for the next few days, I took another step of faith to break news to my parents that I actually bought my drumset months ago. I was prepared for a massive verbal skirmish between me and my parents should they find out that I spent on that wretched drumset, that hateful little noisy thing that their daughter has been spending so much time and money on, going for extravagant lessons that will bring her nothing but merely the artful skill of creating noise.
But I had no choice, other than to be a humble pie and entrust this in the hands of God. I prayed very hard and asked God to bring me out of this. After sometime, it felt impossible that I could bring my kit back home at all. Then that weekend, I felt led by the Spirit to lift it all up through my action. By that, I gave my best for offering through faith. I want God to know how much this means to me, and at the same time I know as a trust Him, He would bring me out of the situation.
Just two days later, I walked into the kitchen where my parents were chatting in the dining room. My heart stirrred. Should I ask or not, should I, shouldn't I should I shouldn't I should I? Aiyah. Heck la. Just ask.
"Mom, can I bring my drumset home?" "har..? what kind of drums? You mean those type play with band one?"
Woah. Praise God. To my surprise, she didn't shout or scream at me or scolded me for buying a set without her knowing! I was thrilled man! As I walked away, I was filled with praises and thanksgiving to God. I mean like, it is a miracle!! Cos...my family is not doing well financially, and her main concern me spending money without serious consideration, not to mention the fact that there were various insidents she scolded me to tears prior to me going for drum lessons. Wow. Later I found out that, it was a God-sent moment when I asked them for permission, because my Dad had just struck 4D the day before and he was going to collect the prize money when I asked about the drums. The Lord is good and amazing!
As I sowed, I reaped. Though I only prayed for my drums to be moved back home, he knew the needs of my life financially too. Wow.
Oh well. but now, I'm still waiting for my set to be moved home. For the past few days, I have packed, relocated the furniture in my room and gave it a good cleaning to welcome my baby. But when is it coming in?? Ed is so busy.. I need his help to move it back. I can't wait man. Gotta settle this all before the new term starts next week.
And thank God, after much praying and after I took the step of faith to give a $20 dollar offering despite the fact I knew I would have to go without money for the next few days, I took another step of faith to break news to my parents that I actually bought my drumset months ago. I was prepared for a massive verbal skirmish between me and my parents should they find out that I spent on that wretched drumset, that hateful little noisy thing that their daughter has been spending so much time and money on, going for extravagant lessons that will bring her nothing but merely the artful skill of creating noise.
But I had no choice, other than to be a humble pie and entrust this in the hands of God. I prayed very hard and asked God to bring me out of this. After sometime, it felt impossible that I could bring my kit back home at all. Then that weekend, I felt led by the Spirit to lift it all up through my action. By that, I gave my best for offering through faith. I want God to know how much this means to me, and at the same time I know as a trust Him, He would bring me out of the situation.
Just two days later, I walked into the kitchen where my parents were chatting in the dining room. My heart stirrred. Should I ask or not, should I, shouldn't I should I shouldn't I should I? Aiyah. Heck la. Just ask.
"Mom, can I bring my drumset home?" "har..? what kind of drums? You mean those type play with band one?"
Woah. Praise God. To my surprise, she didn't shout or scream at me or scolded me for buying a set without her knowing! I was thrilled man! As I walked away, I was filled with praises and thanksgiving to God. I mean like, it is a miracle!! Cos...my family is not doing well financially, and her main concern me spending money without serious consideration, not to mention the fact that there were various insidents she scolded me to tears prior to me going for drum lessons. Wow. Later I found out that, it was a God-sent moment when I asked them for permission, because my Dad had just struck 4D the day before and he was going to collect the prize money when I asked about the drums. The Lord is good and amazing!
As I sowed, I reaped. Though I only prayed for my drums to be moved back home, he knew the needs of my life financially too. Wow.
Oh well. but now, I'm still waiting for my set to be moved home. For the past few days, I have packed, relocated the furniture in my room and gave it a good cleaning to welcome my baby. But when is it coming in?? Ed is so busy.. I need his help to move it back. I can't wait man. Gotta settle this all before the new term starts next week.
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