You can know so much, yet not know at all.

I used to think I know it all for myself.
I used to know what I want for my career, and how to head there, and even if it means much hurdles, I already had a part of me fulfilled, in the form of Rallen.

Dan said it was about finding the right person, whom you know you can trust, and loves you.

I thought Rallen was that person. With him, I thought I knew love, I knew what commitment was, I knew what it means when someone really loved you. Cos when someone really loves you, he would do anything for you right? He did so much for me.

Yes, he did many amazing things for me, but I have realised he couldn't actually do anything for me.

He was my encourager, my motivator, my counselor, my best friend, my companion, my strength. I went to him for everything. I probably tired him out, since he is just human after all.

I shared all my dreams, passions, needs and wants with him. I got lost sometimes, but he would always bring me back to where I started out. And right now, I have no one to bring me back to where I should be.

I don't know where I should be.

I tend to think that I am happy now, away from him, because a part of me says that it is time that I leave Singapore, and nobody should hold me back. I want to travel, and see the world. I want to meet people and experience life in different countries. This part of me could never materialise when I was with him. He did not share the same type of joy that I could find in the beauty of nature, the excitement in themed parks, the simplicity of wandering around aimlessly.

But a few has said that I am just running away from reality.
I am not sure if that is true. Am I trying to be a totally different person? I may be...but what is wrong with that?

I just want to be happy.
And maybe, happy means putting aside everything and live life simply. Maybe all that I used to want, they were not meant to be. Maybe, I gave them all up because there are too much memories. Well. I don't know anymore.

They say home is where the heart is. My heart is not here, it is not at peace. Maybe I will lead a nomad life, and make a home wherever my heart leads me. I will go, where the wind blows.

Feels like my life is on hold.
No career prospects ahead, not enough money to travel, nothing to pursue.
I need a breakthrough.