the years of my childhood

A child I was, I grew up in my own world
Playmates I had, but I was still a loner
My 3 siblings were never there to play with me
In their metamorphical early adult years they were when I was born

I've always felt small everywhere I go

Toys I had many
Cars, soldiers, dolls
Guns, figurines, balls
Almost had 'em all
but playing was rare
my mom was afraid I scratched the marble floor
was afraid to spoil me if she brought me outdoors

primary school started
I didn't need to play at home anymore

Across the fields I'd run
to chase malay boys and play games
while the other girls were mingling, having their recess
Met new friends, they were cool to hang out with
I was envious they could play at playgrounds without parents yelling
I'd make up stories about libraries and projects
avoiding to go home early so that i could make merry

my mom hated my friends
whatever i wanted she hated

The caning stick was a common sight
running around the house, I screamed and cried
Under the bed I'd hide
I could never escape the terrors of that wretched stick
My tears,my only companion in the loneliest night

Is there any formula to make me grow up, fast?

Reluctantly, I bid my primary schoolmates well
off to Anglican High, my dream school as a child
The canings and verbal hurts remained
but I've found closer friends and a new love - basketball
We'd train and laugh, the times quickly passed.
Reality broke when I heard her holler once again

I didn't understand why

At 10, she wouldn't let me join brownies
At 11, she scolded me when I practised badminton
Through my teenage years, she resented me for playing basketball.
I felt restrained, lost, I would never ever live doing what I love

At 13, I met the Lord through a song
He showed me that my life meant more than what it seemed
I am imperfect but He loves me still
I am an ignorant child but He told me He is real

It hurt me the most when she called me a fool

I pursued on for the truth
He revealed even more while she remained aloof
Strength imparted, His mercy healed me
Through the criticisms I shall remain unfazed
With grace I shall love her

Indeed I'm a fool, a fool for Christ
I now live for His purpose
I now live for His people

God is good, I now have a new toy! The drums. hahaha.

The song that touched me is below.

SO YOU WOULD COME (thanks to guitar4christ.com)

BEFORE THE WORLD BEGIN

YOU WERE ON HIS MIND
AND EVERY TEAR YOU CRIED
IS PRECIOUS IN HIS EYES
BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE
HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON

EVERY THING WAS DONE

SO YOU WOULD COME

NOTHING YOU CAN DO
TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU MORE
AND NOTHING THAT YOU'VE DONE
COULD MAKE HIM CLOSE THE DOOR
BECAUSE OF HIS GREAT LOVE
HE GIVE HIS ONLY SON
EVERY THING WAS DONE
SO YOU WOULD COME

COME TO THE FATHER
THOUGH YOUR GIFT IS SMALL
BROKEN HEARTS, BROKEN LIVES
HE WILL TAKE THEM ALL

THE POWER OF THE WORD
THE POWER OF HIS BLOOD
EVERYTHING WAS DONE
SO YOU WOULD COME

I was reminded of this song and all the emotions that I had when I heard this when I was 13 came alive again...Though at that time I already heard the songs a few times before, but somehow it spoke to me because I never felt that important in my life until I sang "EVERY THING WAS DONE, SO YOU WOULD COME". During my growing years, I used to resent my life...and wished it ended but as I continued to sing that song God painted a joyous picture of my family and the heavens celebrating when I was born.. Wow... and the tears flowed as I felt His love overwhelm me, telling me that I could come to Him no matter how broken I was. That day, Aug 13 2000, I officially became a Christian.