4 words for Love

"Did you know the Greeks have 4 different words for Love? That’s not fair! I
think I deserve to have a way to say I really love ice cream and I really
love my Nanny (grandma) without bringing my Nanny into a world of lactose
intolerance and a madman’s craving for chocolatey deliciousness.

Eros is the passionate love, with sensual desire and longing; where erotic
comes from.
Philia is friendship, a dispassionate virtuous love.
Storge is natural affection, like that felt by parents for children, or
little ones for Nanny.
Agape – THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE – is an all-inclusive unconditional love.
This is the one widely used in religious teachings. To have agape is to see
all people doing the best they can with the light they’ve got. Agape is not
spoken about. It’s a space you rest in, a state of being that is pure
uninhibited love. Someone in this state is not looking for a return on the
investment. In fact they don’t see it as an investment at all. This is
remarkable compassion."

- extracted from Jason Mraz's Vday journal entry

im a rawk starrrr

[click to view conversation]

what to say?
It's just me..it's meant to be.. hahahahah


and matt dedicated "rock star" to me..
sweet.



i just wanna have fun on stage.

keep dreaming

I dream

of crafting works with my hands, that will be appreciated by many
of writing pieces to encourage the hearts that have grown weary
of painting vivid stories on the canvases in the minds of people
of developing concepts that inspire and innovate
of building structures out of the world to fill the present empty spaces
of composing songs that touches deeply and changes lives
of scripting epic stageplays and films
of spreading joy through entertainment media

of a world who learns acceptance for every living being
of a human race driven by love
of a society, which understands and forgive
of a people who perservere for the truth


i dream, i dream

maybe i dream too much.

i love you both

perservering, forgiving and faithful
no matter how naughty, selfish and inconsiderate i am

we find frustration communicating with each other
i lose my patience easily
most times being too caught up in my own world
thinking that my work is more important
thinking that fighting for the future is more crucial

i remain oblivious to the fact that while i work so hard to grow up
they will grow old too

i stopped communicating, but they continue to be interested in my life
sometimes i say words and do things that hurt them
most of the times i forget to show my appreciation and love

i don't wanna look back in my life and regret neglecting them,
like Adam Sandler in Click.

Mommy, i love you for protecting me and cooking great dishes for me.
Daddy, i love you for being supportive and spoiling me by doing things for me.

Thanks for providing for me and bringing me up.

i love u both.

Vday

Changed the title image for my blog, it's been there for too long.. ahhaha

Now my blog just looks ugly, black and white.

I've not touched my blog nor had the time to blogsurf.. since.. duno when.
Read a post my friend wrote and he mentioned that he feels kinda emo today..

It's Valentine's Day

my bestie called me and asked, "What are you doing girl?"
"Feeling emo."
"Why?"
"Don't know."

ha. and my emo-ness made me change the title image for my blog.

I guess I'm not the only one feeling this way.

To all who are single: You don't have to feel loser-ish, there are so many great friends around.
To all who are hurt and scarred from a relationship: You're worth more than this, it's better without him or her.
To all who are divorced/separated: You're stronger than what you think, spend this time to appreciate your other family members.
To all who are going out as dating couples: Sweet. Be more romantic can?
To all who are going out as married couples: Wah, Sweeter. Even if u cannot, please be at least 3 times more handsome, prettier and slimmer than usual.
To all who are attached but not going out with your partner today: OEI, wake up your idea! this is an over commercialized day but still, you want your other half to envy other couples?


ok. uhhhm.

haha. crapping.

in my head a rhythm rings
in my heart a small voice sings

driving me on each day
drawing me closer to the upward call

my body feels weak
frustrated with the little hours of sleep
often i find myself consumed by fatigue

nevertheless the spirit reigns over the flesh
overcoming the lethargy
taking control over uncontrollable emotions

Victory prevails

_______________________________________


Been really stretched and overstretched and toostretched and stretched.

I need more time... more time with my friends, more time with my family, more time for myself, more time more more more....

Many of us who are stretched often wished we had more than 24 hours. In fact, some even feel unjust for the lack of time and the numerous tasks at hand. Years ago, my senior pastor actually commented that "24 hours was not enough" for him to a foreign pastor. As a pastor and founder of a church, it was understandable he would say that because he not just had to handle the pioneering work(aka "Sai Gahng"), he also had to preach, to disciple, to shepherd the many many members in the church.
At the point when he mentioned "24 hours was not enough" to a foreign pastor, he got rebuked!
The foreign pastor said something like, "God is fair, He gave everybody 24 hours. If 24 hours is not enough, it means you don't know how to manage your time!"

When I heard this story, I felt convicted. As much as I wished there were more than 24 hours a day, I also know that I had to manage my time better.

Yup.. I need to manage my time well, so that in the midst of drumming practices and perfomances, I would not neglect my studies. And in the midst of drumming and academic work, I would continue to build and maintain relationships with friends and family members.

TIME MANAGEMENT

The hay fever's making me irritatable..I woke up, struggling in my head whether to sleep in and skip web design
or to go web design and skip afternoon's colour and composition, so that I can return to recover from the terrible mind-nose-eyes-lungs-wrenching sickness.
I decided to go for morning class and hopefully recover by afternoon, so that I would not miss any class.
I jumped out of bed, crossing my fingers.
I dilly-dalied to pack my huge bagpack, took my files, wallet, water bottle, A3 drawing block.
After my refreshing bath, it was 20 mins to class time.
In my gancheongness, I broke my adidas eau de toilette.
the blue liquid splattered the floor, my heart pinched as i held the broken glass
Was getting really late for school, I had to take a cab

During the 3-hour web design tutorial, I was sneezing half the time.
BLAH BLAH. I decided I would skip afternoon class.

I brought my huge drawing block and paint brushes for nothing.
So, I walked to the bus stop to go home.. and i realised I didn't bring my ez link card, i CABBED again


and then i went home.. rested.. and now I'm feeling better.


So What's the point of this story?


Somebody buy me a new bottle of perfume!!


HAHAHAHAHAH

war in the skies

Somewhere beneath the clouds
Beyond the furthest skies visible to the naked eye

the angels are at war

with crafty eyes, the devil sneaks
with fancy footwork, he confuses the angelic beings
he attacks secretly, yet in the open

despite the outrage and afflictions
dignity remains

the skirmish perseveres
our prayers perservere

maybe

maybe i will grow up
maybe i won't

maybe you will fall in love with me
maybe my heart will grow cold when you do

maybe i will become an artist
maybe i can be a pastor
maybe i will own businesses
maybe i will end up an office girl

someday i might get married
someday i might be with the man of my dreams
then again, that happens in the movies
i guess, for now it's ok to dream

maybe i will get to travel around the world
maybe i will enjoy romance in France
maybe i will get adventurous in Egypt
maybe KL and Batam is all i will get

maybe i will fall in puppy love many times
each time with someone new

even then, i might not be able to forget you

maybe i will become a songwriter
maybe i will be an author of many books
maybe my works will appreciated by thousands
maybe i will simply continue to blog

maybe someday i will not like rock music anymore
maybe my kids will think i am so old-fashioned
then again right now, i just wanna listen to my emocore

maybe i will have to accept the fact
that time and tide waits for no man
maybe i will have to accept the fact
that maturity comes with the acceptance of responsibilities

maybe i can believe
that all my dreams can become reality
maybe i can achieve
the highest potential ever, within me

day by day i grow up
i grow up




----------------------------

Felt like writing, and i started. and then this came out. This is inspired by something i heard on the radio a few weeks ago.

random. Love, share, give

Hung out with Nessa Esther and Nat after school on Fri. We were dead tired after school, didn't do much but it was fun. Cam-whoring at WhiteSands Mac, ChaiChee porridge at blk 85 market, jamming at my house after that. Quality time.














One of my favourite people on earth! My first friend in CMM. Hit it off immediately. She taught me how to show love freely, to sing like you're singing to the world, that it is ok to give a piece (or many pieces) of my heart to a person even if it means ending up scarred. I LOVE VANESSA.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Since I don't have time to pour out my thoughts..

I'll just make this short.

A few quotes from other blogs I chanced upon:

I remember the first day I met Boon, my drum leader, he said, "You are not good until your neighbour as good as yourself."
Reading this from a fellow musician friend just reminded me to be less complacent:

"well if the guitarist sucks, well then pull him up, bring him up to another level!
So, remember, if you're talented, and good at wat you do, but you cant make your fellow drummer, or bassist or keyboardist or guitarist or wat not as good as yourself, then really, you are only good for yourself :) Just dat, nothing else. And so the question is, how good can dat be really?"

Just a few days back, I was really inspired at how my friend was going the extra mile for the guy she likes, even knowing that it might not be reciprocated the same way. When I read the following from another musician friend's blog, it hit me:

"
It is about going the extra mile, doing things that are not "you", being frank and funny, and it doesn't matter if the person reads it as love or not. Love is a gesture and something that I learnt from the most perfect person on the earth."

so what's the conclusion? Musicians are not just EMOtional but we think ok, we think think think alot. Our brains move. hahah crappy.

ok the point is, we are all living on the same earth, living to make each others' lives better. As iron sharpens iron, we learn from each other, eventually making the world a better place. hahaha THE POINT IS,

Live, not just for yourself. Love, and be free.

STUCKITITIS

I struggled, this morning.

I wondered, what it would be like to carry on the day, when it started badly.

I needed, some form of encouragement.

I opened, this book

Before my eyes, the words I read shocked me.

"Chapter 2: LOVING THE PEOPLE YOU ARE STUCK WITH - a forgiving heart"


I couldn't believe it.
I was just having an overheated discussion with my mom.
Helpless, hopeless after that

The past haunted me
A stumbling block
I stumbled over and over again


When I opened the book, I knew God was here
In the midst of the argument, when I forgot His presence


I'm suffering from STUCKITITIS
my definition: this is a condition which one is feeling frustrated because he/she is stuck in a relationship which he/she has no choice but to stay in it, and has to accept and love the other party no matter what
This applies to the following situations:

The desperate housewife and her non-communicator husband
The burnt-out husband and his non-understanding nagging wife
The flustered mom and her rebellious kid
The depressed kid and his even more depressed mom
The excited kid who has lost interest in his pet


The book says:
"SUCH ARE THE QUESTIONS WE ASK WHEN WE FEEL STUCK WITH SOMEONE. THERE IS A WORD FOR THIS CONDITION. UPON CONSULTING THE ONE-WORD MEDICAL DICTIONARY (WHICH I WROTE THE DAY BEFORE I CRAFTED THIS CHAPTER), I DISCOVERED THAT THIS CONDITION IS A COMMON MALADY KNOWN AS STUCKITITIS. (STUCK MEANING “TRAPPED.” ITITIS BEING THE SIX LETTERS YOU TAG ON TO ANY WORD YOU WANT TO SOUND IMPRESSIVE. READ IT OUT LOUD: STUCKITITIS.) MAX’S MANUAL OF MEDICAL TERMS HAS THIS TO SAY ABOUT THE CONDITION:

Attacks of stuckititis are limited to people who breathe and typically occur somewhere between birth and death. Stuckititis manifests itself in irritability, short fuses, and a mountain range of molehills. The common symptom of stuckititis victims is the repetition of questions beginning with who, what, and why. Who is this person? What was I thinking?
Why didn’t I listen to my mother?"

There are 3 ways to cope with STUCKITITIS:

FLEE
FIGHT
or
FORGIVE


Because I wasn't given the chance to, I couldn't flee.
I fought. and fought. and fought.
I thought I forgave.
But I was fighting to forgive.

I'm stuck, but with His grace I can overcome this.

Just like the way Jesus loved us,
even though we are filthy irritating childish naughty

His mercy has taught us to forgive.



read the entire chapter of the book mentioned here.

Screamo

who says listening to screamo makes me depressed?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. EPH 6:12

actually it does get me depressed, but it's about the right selection.
Underoath is one of my all time favourites - try it, u MIGHT like it. (not for the faint hearted)

he'll never know

She'll never forget how his eyes sparkled in the dark
That very moment that melted her heart

Getting close to him was what she yearned
The days they didn't meet simply made her heart sick

his humour has influenced her
his words have become a part of her
being beside him, that's where she longs to be

Days and months went past
she could only wish for the good times to last

"the worst way to miss a person is to be beside a person, yet knowing you can't have the person",
her bestie once said to her
which, sad to say, in her case, this would be

he'll never know how excited she was everytime they meet
he'll never know that she remembers everything he said
he'll never know how much he has brightened her life

he'll never know how she cries herself to sleep
he'll never know that he has changed her life


he'll never know.
he'll never know.


----------------------------------------------------

this is really a stupid poem.
hahaha but ya.


ANYWAY I'm really HAPPY cos I just set up a keyboard in my jamming room!!!

Keyboard and drumssss.. I started playing on the keyboard today, It was so fun..

Anybody wants to jam?

I got guitar too... but not electric haha..

WEEE~

When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.

No storm can put out this fire

All of us were really in the same flow at last night's CGM.

The few of us who shared testimony - it was all about how God placed His purpose in our lives
Little did we know, the sermon for this week was "Building a life of Purpose"!


On Jimmy's closing for the message, he said that Passion can influence others.
He also mentioned this quote:

"When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn. " John Wesley

Wow.

SERIOUSLY, I never considered myself passionate about drumming until recently, when my boss at Shell introduced me as "passionate about drumming" to some externals we were meeting.

And this leads me to how astounded I am, when I look back upon my six months at Shell.

I've been saying this...but I can't help but say it again.

This past six months has been the toughest, albeit the best time of my life.

I remember when this internship started, I was so depressed. I couldn't find a purpose. And I couldn't stop counting down, the more I counted, the more depressed I got.
I was also very tired due to the long weekend trainings for National Day, on top of that, frequent late night practices for corporate gigs. I had little rest.

However, this has also been the best period of my life, because everything that I lived upon was based on faith.


Getting permission to leave work early for rehearsals/gigs
Getting permission to take one week break for KL Emerge Conference
Getting permission from my mom to go KL (despite her initial threats and anger, I believed something happened when she told me to "be careful when you go KL")
Having financial provision for the KL trip
Having His joy and strength at work despite lack of sleep
Having His creativity and positivity to take on the roles I never thought I could at Shell
Having His anointing and skill to play various roles which I thought I couldn't when performing with Strikeforce


It is simply amazing.

I thank Him for the favour He has placed in my life, the favour from my boss and colleagues.
I thank Him because though I have been stretched, He has also used me to impact hundreds and thousands of people through the performances He has sent me to.


All glory to the Lord!

No storm can put out this fire

It's Friday the 13th.
I lost my one and a half month old wallet.
I'm sad. It's a new Roxy wallet I bought from KL.

I have to move on, oh well.

I was so bothered.. Loss results in loss of hope.
It hinders your motivation in moving forward.

Losing my wallet means I cannot go ahead with my plans normally
Distracting me from doing my report
Having to set aside all other tasks to report loss to the various authorities

My head was brimming with negative thoughts and questions
My heart was searching for the reasons - "How did this happen?" "Why did God allow this to happen?" "I should have withheld myself from hanging out last night when there were second thoughts in the first place." "Shitty me, so careless."
"This is just an act of the devil to distract me from moving on."

I was struggling inside.
How could I still praise God in this situation? (The tune "Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns played in my head.)
I can't find a reason to..

Opening my bible, Romans 5:3-5 (NLT) read:
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

I was bowled over when I read this.

Yes, nothing should bring me down. This happened because of my carelessness, but it is ok, I'll just move on, and be more careful.

Romans 8:26 (NLT)
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weaknesses.."

I have to remain vigilant.

1 Oct 2006 - A wonderful day

Those pics were taken at Mediacorp last Sunday. We were there as guest performers for Channel 8's "It's Showtime!", which was hosted by Zhong Qing and Guo Liang. While we were backstage, Zhong Qing walked past and I asked Neo, "You remember her?"

He went, "Yeah of course! Fang tian.." I was like, "Huh, who's fang tian?"

Then I realised he was referring to 'fang4 dian4' (to give electricity) in Chinese.

I was so tickled, because Neo, being South African, didn't remember Kym Ng as Kym Ng, but as the celebrity who 'fang dian'..

What happened was, some months ago, we were performing for the NTUC Union May Day Dinner and Kym Ng was the compere.
While we were having our long break, the group of us immediately chorused "Fang Dian!" to Robin when Kym Ng walked past.
Kym Ng responded to our attempt to jisiao Robin. She turned her neck around and battered her eyelids at us. I swear, at that moment, even I was charmed by her sparkly eyes.

Anyway, the gig was a great experience for me.
I thank God for the chance to try so many new things, from the rack, to crosshands etc. The last time I did those two, I screwed up real bad. And I told myself I wanted to be ready for rack and crosshand the next time we perform, but I never knew it would be so soon! But thank God for the anointing for this performance (and many more to come!)

We had a powerful service last Sunday as well.
Even before preaching started, during worship, tears were just flooding my face. (Thank God I didn't put makeup that day)
As we sang, the Lord renewed me with his strength, affirmed me with His words. It was like Him telling me that He has seen my hard work, that He is pleased because I have given Him my youth and laid down my life for Him. I was so touched, because I've been so stretched especially this internship period. The tears just couldn't stop flowing..

The past six months has really been the toughest yet best time of my life..
Shall talk more about this in my next post...

the pain opened my eyes

Incident on 23 Sep 06, ard 230am.

It's been a long day, a long week
I stretched my body, snuggled warm in bed
time for rest, i fell, to appease my lethargy
as I barely caught that forty winks
a sharp pain came from inside of me
Sullen, I scrambled to the WC

A false alarm for diarrhoea it turned out
I barged back to my blankets half drowsy half grumpy
To my exasperation, the pain would not cease

In the midst of it, it appears a creepy crawlie got me
I itched and twitched and couldn't stop scratching
To the WC again, I washed the itch
Now the pain was gone, but the itch wouldn't cease!

Infuriated, I took a deep breath
I found my breath accompanied with an asthmatic wheeze
My nostrils were congested
My ears were burning
My heart raced

I paced calmly to the mirror
Propagating around my eyes were rashes resembling insect bites

I looked at my arms and legs
The outbreak of rashes was all over me

I need the doctor
I need prayers
I need to cry
I need GOD!!!!!

I prayed, without a voice, just wheezes

"Was I going to die?"
"Is it a terminal disease?"
"Is this the end of the many things I have to do?"
"How am I going to turn up for the photoshoot tomorrow?"
"Does this mean I can't go back to work on Monday?"
"Does this mean I can't perform?"

ARGH.

I called my leader at 240am
He answered, in a drowsy fashion
He prayed for me and asked me to wake my parents.

I did.

To CGH I went.
2 jabs was what they gave me
I slept, while my mother stayed awake
After a 2 hour nap, I was awakened by the freezing coldness

the rash was gone
the asthmatic wheeze was gone
the burning sensation was gone
the pain was gone

the nurse, without a wink said,
"Miracle ah. Ok can go home."

I couldn't wait to get home.


The question remains
What resulted in this crazy episode
Which got me annoyed and fearful
Which made me learn to be more careful
Which taught me to love the people around me,
for God has made them so wonderful

_______________________________________________________________

This was what happened to me.
I was freaked out like nothing.
I wanna thank Jimmy for answering my call and praying for me though he was asleep, thank Jennifer for calming me down, thank my mom for going to the hospital with me. AND my Strikeforce friends who visited me!

I was so touched and shocked to see you guys --
Shona, Benedict, Reid, Ian, Sharlyn, Jennifer, Suat, Alvin, Kangwei, Queelam..!
I hope I didn't miss out anybody.

It was quite saddening I couldn't make it for the photoshoot, but nonetheless, it warms my heart to be in this family.

We're not just a percussion group
We're not just ministry mates
We're not just a bunch of people with similar interests
We're committed to a common vision
Bound together by the love of Christ
Working towards a higher calling
We're one family
One Band
One Sound
StrikeForce

Reset

I must Realign my life
Renew my mind
Stop Recycling futile thoughts
Stop Rehearsing abandoned hurts

The Lord has Redeemed me
Removed all sin and condemnation

my spirit was dead, but now Resurrected
He breathed into me, Restored my life
I'm now Reconciliated with Christ

Regression dies, as I live upon His word
I entrust myself to His work of Regeneration
Together we'll bring forth Revolution

Bee the best you can Bee

Watched Akeelah and the Bee today with my cell. Motivating movie.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Though I was already impacted when I read this statement before in Ian's blog some months ago, it did not make me feel I have to do something about it until now. I've been busy... so busy that I've become complacent. I've stopped thinking about achieving the best, most of the time getting by the numerous activities each day. Today, when I heard this statement on the movie again, there was a push from the Holy Spirit.

Why, why have I stepped back? Why have I not given my best? Is it because there is a fear that when you do so, people will look at you in a different way?

But truely, as the quote says, "Who are you not to be?"
We are to "walk worthily of God, who (has already called) you into his own Kingdom and glory" (1 Thess 2:12)

We strive, not so that we may get the approval of men, but we are living vessels for Him.
1 Thessalonians 2:4
"But even as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News, so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, who tests our hearts."

I remember Bro Boon once challenged us to be one who constantly gets the "Since when?" question from others.
"Since when you became such a great performer?"
"Since when you became so wise?"
"Since when you became so excellent in the things you do?"
"Since when you became a leader?"
"Since when..Since when?"

There is a need to constantly stretch our limits, to break into the realm of the "once-impossible".
There is a need to constantly renew our minds, in order to move from glory to glory.

Horacio Hernandez Drum Clinic

By the end of the drum clinic, I must say I was quite disappointed. Unlike the other clinics that I've been to, this one only had the star solo once. (if I didn't remember wrongly, A REAL SOLO solo that is)
Though it may be so, like what Bro Boon said, Horacio did more teaching than "showing off" at this clinic, which I appreciate so.
Kinda useful, incorporating playing of rhumba claves in 4/4 timing and 6/8 timing.
At the end of the show he started playing this instrument, which when he played, it almost appeared to be punching buttons on a SEGA gameboy.
This instrument was once a dear to the late Bob Marley and it produces high pitched melodious tones, perfect for lullabies. It was wonderful watching him and hearing him play that "M-Bira" (dont know how to spell), but I was expecting him to stomp away on the set after that. And it didn't happen. So the drum clinic ended like this, peacefully.......

Out at the signing table, he was super friendly.. a few of my friends even asked him to sign their equipment. For Remo, Vic-Firth etc, He actually cancelled off the branding and wrote on Evans and Zildjian. That was so funny, but he was kind enough to sign them.

This is the first time I didn't bring anything home from a clinic - no ticket stubs/photos/collaterals. Too crowded I guess.

Anyway I took photo with Ling outside DBS auditorium...We realised that our colors were really coordinated. haha..




Black and Purple. Ian just looks lame here.

this is niceeee, but we didn't know Ian and ruyuan were in the pic until later.. Benedict said:"ruyuan looks like a cardboard cutout... "


hahaha so funny...