It's You and me now.

It's You and me now.

I was praying that day..and was prompted to pick up my pen and write. and this was what came out.

Dear Lord, come and dwell in me
How beautiful is Your name
How magnificent is Your grace
Creator of all heaven and earth
the works of Your hands exudes with fullness of Your beauty

Jesus, I want to be like You
To be strong and holy
To give my all and live for You

Jesus, no words can describe my gratefulness
No acts can redeem my worth
But only through You, that I am made whole

Many times I tried
I thought I was strong
Through it all
It's Your love that survived on
I was foolish
I was blind
A love so unfailing, I can't believe I missed
But then it doesn't matter

It's me and You now.
It's me and You now.

Together we storm the seas
Spirit to Spirit, stride to stride
In this perfect love, there is no fear at all, at all
Together we dare to risk
Faith to faith, glory to glory
In this perfect love, there is no fear at all, at all

It's You and me now.

_____________________________________________________________________

I thank him for this. Every single day with Him is just surprises after one another. He surprised me with this poem. Indeed He is the creative Spirit, Elohim.

all in the name of fun.

all in the name of fun.

A weekend of fun helped me understand myself better.
Singing away into the wee hours, when the rest of Singapore is asleep.
We laughed, we sang, we screamed, we danced...and drank**
Kept awake by the medication of happy atmosphere
Our bodies pushed to the limit yet our hearts rose to the occasion
it was more than a birthday, like a celebration of friendship after all

Crazy stunts we did, stupid acts we laughed ourselves at
performed to while the hours of boredom,
I climbed out of the windows, getting high on viewing Orchard Rd below

literally

grace was really not in my head then.

The drinks depleted, vibrance faded, faces wasted
leaving the place where another man's sleeping time was spent extravagantly
we roamed the cold street, which it brewed with much life in the day
we waited. to catch the first train, as the fatigue rumbled within.

Our hopes were shattered when the train arrived with its many passengers
We then realised, our foolishness, compared to these who were working the night away.
Sleep was really catching up on us, we were just stops away before we fignt no more.
We gave our goodbyes and wished the boy happy birthday.
We went our separate ways and I was alone again, like before I met them the night before.

The dawn broke as I walked a peaceful walk home.
A pang rose in my stomach. Not of hunger, but of the Spirit.
A sense of conviction, accompanied with grief.
All this, in the name of fun,
they laughed, they sang, they screamed, they danced...and drank
til all consciousness of reality is put away

Could they do this forever?

____________________________________________________________

**Yes, I took a few sips of alcohol before realising I am not 18 yet.
All because I'm used to drinking with my family at home.
Don't worry, I have told my cellgroup leader about it and
I have gone through discipleship. =)
I've taken up the challenge to not take alcohol at all, even at home.

Yeah, I had fun, but it was meaningless, cept the part about spending time together and appreciating one another.
Nevertheless, here are some shots of our happy moments..

this is so SHE. ughh.


BOYCOTT ALCOHOL!

sha la la. I think thats all. I just want to be holy child of God.

Time to repay the debt of love

Time to repay the debt of love

I feel that for the past few weeks or even months, I have been like a living zombie. Going through day to day, completing tasks to tasks, meeting people and stuff, and yet, I don't feel fruitful. Though it has been really a priviledge to keep myself busy by serving God - going for choir practice, doing follow up on cell group members, making cards for new friends, making mallets for upcoming live recording and so forth, it did not feel fulfilling at all. There's something inside screaming for more.
And then I realised why I feel like a living zombie.
I did not put in any effort to build relationships with the people around me. That's why everything felt dry.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you..."

I need to learn to forsake my needs and desires and submit to this holy commandment. Love without any worries.
Sometimes we are afraid to love, because of our past rejections and hurts.

Nevertheless, the bible says that we are debtors of love. Romans 13:8 "Owe no one anything except to love one another."

Friends and family, sorry for not being showing more concern or giving you my time. Sorry if I appeared to be disinterested in anyway.
I really love all the people around me. But people don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care!
I need to sow into more lives.

Action-packed

I haven't blogging for quite some time. (urh, like you guys didn't know righhhht. ) I really want to. but I was busy. Many times I find the craving to blog, but I was simply too busy. with these things:

1. ONE helluva paper for exam - which I was given an ample week to study for yet, fared pathetically because of the lack of faith in the lecturer and tutor who gave contrasting advice.

2. TWO evenings of mallet making and tomtoms wrapping right after my exams, that led to more tomtoms wrapping during the two actual days of Easter drama production 2005

3. THREE approximate hours of rollerblading at East Coast Park with Carryn, Esther and Dan today.

_________________________________________________________________________________

1. Media Management Principles, what a professional and cheem name. But professional and cheem were certainly not the words to describe my lecturer and tutor. I was stupid enough to actually bother to actually take my own stride for this paper. In the end, what my tutor mentioned would come out for the paper really did come out. UGH. It's so sick. Nevertheless, it's all over. THE dreaded term IS OVER!!!!!!! I'm just crossing my fingers before the results come out.

2. The next day right after the paper, it was serving God all the way man. Reporting early afternoon at my wonderful home at the extreme western area of Singapore, I was confused and filled with bewilderment. "AM I really gonna serve at children's church?! I mean like, me??!" I am one of the last people on earth who actually scares kids and make babies cry when I don't mean to. Anyway, I survived it all. Through the grace of God, none of the preschool kids that saw me were scared or did any of them cry.. In fact, they were so cuteeeee and friendly and they just tug at your shirt and go "Hi auntiee!!" (yea, "auntie" abit to0 old for me.. but it really melts your heart to see the lil tots run around happy and excited!)

OOHHH! and yes the best part was to catch James in action! Other than singing as a backup vocalist for praise and worship, he also acted in the Easter drama as a toy cowboy. Quote of the play from him, (said with much enthusiasm, eyes and mouth openwide), "Look! Mr. Toymaker made me a new pair of boots!" hahahhaah.. ok.

Yes, the story is about the benevolent Toymaker who in his fullness of creativity, created many many toys, including the cowboy, the ragdoll, the ballerina doll, the clown, and the evil ice queen. Though each of these toys were not perfect, Mr. Toymaker continued to love them all still. The toys were happy with the way they were. However, one day, the wicked ice queen came by and told them of a better place to be, and told them that Mr. Toymaker does not love them at all. In their ignorance, they wondered about the magical place that the ice queen talked about and considered following the ice queen there. The toys left Mr. Toymaker.
They travelled a long journey. Initially, they were all excited and hyped up during the journey, singing songs and having much fun. Days and months past... and the weather began to turn cold. By this time, they were shivering and struggling to move even an inch. Soon, they reached their destination. It was not the colourful and lively place they had imagined. It was freezing cold and there was strong chilly winds blowing all the time around the icy terrain. The toys then realised they had been deceived. However, by now, it was too late for them to turn back or do anything; all the toys were trapped at the Ice Palace under the power of the ice queen.
Meanwhile, Mr. Toymaker felt very hurt to find out that his toys had all left him. His son consoled him, and assured him that he will help him to find the toys back. The only way to find the toys, however, meant that Mr. Toymaker has to sacrifice his son. Because of his love for the Mr. Toymaker, the son agreed to sacrifice himself.
At Ice Palace, the toys became hungry and lifeless and angry. They fought amongst each other food and argued about who caused them to be in this miserable state. At this point, a toy soldier appeared and brought them presents. Their faces lighted up to realise it was Mr. Toymaker's son, here to bring them home! They were overjoyed. and then.. Everybody lived happily ever after... except the evil ice queen.. that was banished in the washing machine.

It is truly a meaningful story. We are like the toys that God made. All of us are different and unique. As the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side, we succumb ourselves to the lies that the devil tell us and more often than not, we give in to temptations and follow the deceptions of the devil. The devil, knowing that he has already been condemned and would spend his life eternally in hell, would search for ways to deceive us so that he could catch a few of us to accompany his lonely days in hell. But God is faithful and his love for us so great, that He was willing to send His son to bring us back to Him.

-end of preaching- =P

Whoops. and that was not even day one of serving God. Later at night, it was all about making mallets on the the drumsticks and wrapping the drum toms. That was the task for the next 3 days. We wrapped and we wrapped. It got so sick of seeing white masses of cardboard all the time. ahhaha. Anyway, I enjoyed myself in the midst of all the shouting ," Penknife!" "Puncher!" "Scotchtape!" "Scissors!" and the developing of calluses on my fingers. It was really a privilege to play this minute part in the Easter Drama. As I began to watch the drummers play on the stage, I felt so proud that my work of wrapping and tying and pasting and punching had been put to good use! (haha. I know that sounds stupid. )

And that was Easter for me.

3. Rollerbladinggggggg was fun! The blades were good and comfortable too! 7 bucks for the whole day. Wooh. Anyone up for blading soon?

feeling thankful.

feeling thankful.
putting down the phone, an unconscious smile I brought with me

feeling thankful, to have him in my life.

it was not the longest conversation, neither the most interesting of all

just a word of concern in my job-hunting desperation

no it isn't the pretty boy that flutters my heart

it isn't the punk that shares my liking in the kids who get up*

19 years my senior, he's seen me through the phases

he's my brother, whom I've learnt to love and from whom I learnt to enjoy the company of family togetherness.

*refers to The Get Up Kids

I really should be studying. The only fruitful thing I did today was to go to school to do a 400 word chinese essay for the China CDS programme selection. I need to NOT procrastinate anymore.

Healing is for today

Healing is for today

I experienced the power of the Lord today. Been suffering from ailments in my left knee joint for quite some time due to old injuries from basketball..On certain days I would be fine, having the ability to run and jump and hop and race down stairs with no difficulty at all. But on some days, it was impossible for me to even go after a bus that was less than 8 metres away. For the past few days, the knee pains struck. I was unable to race down the stairs from my block like I always do. Well, I still went with Karen to her first workout at California gym anyways. Ran, (funny but I still ran a effortless 2.4km), did some weights. (I think I ought to punish myself cos I shouldn't even run with a condition like that. It probably causes my knee to deteriorate.)

Anyway, my knee continued to hurt after gymming and walking down each step summoned an ache that warned of a worn out knee. Finally, we were at church and having praise and worship. It just felt weird, cos I wasn't able to jump like other days. The knee was a hindrance; it kept me from going high singing praises to the Lord. In my heart, I secretly hoped that God's power would move and heal me by the end of service. Goodness. It turned out today's message was about healing, to prepare for the upcoming Benny Hinn crusade this following weekend.

At the end of service, Pastor Kong wanted us to pray for healing for the people around us. I lifted my hand so that I could be prayed for. Fanny and Karen and others all came to me and laid hands on my knee. We started praying in tongues and immediately I felt the power of God fall upon me. I began to cry and I felt my left knee was cold. I was excited and truly touched by the presence of God as the tears continued to flow. I was positive God had healed me. After their hands left my knee, I bent my knee. It didn't feel like before, at all! I jumped. I COULD JUMP. Praise the Lordddddd!!!
It was wonderful. God moves. In the atmosphere of faith. Thank you Jesus. For by your 40 stripes, all diseases has been borne, and now healing shall come!

Wow. If this happened in a normal service, then there's more to come next week when Benny Hinn comes. I can't imagine. The power of God will be manifested before our eyes. People, if you need healing, or know of somebody that does, do come down to the Indoor Stadium this Friday or Saturday night. I can't wait.

Don't smoke it breaks my heart

Don't smoke it breaks my heart

I finally understood why as a kid I used to complain against my Dad to my mom when he smoked. Not because I wanted to get favour from my mom, but I actually love my Dad so much, I didn't want him to hurt himself by smoking.

Today I saw something that I shouldn't have. It broke my heart. I was at the bus stop accross the road from TP when I saw that familiar figure. According to my astigmatic vision observed his gestures to be lighting up a cigarette. He was accross the road, at the bus stop opposite where I was. Frantically, I took out my specs and fitted them to confirm if what I saw was really happening. To my shock, it was really him. Lighting up a cigerette as he walked out the campus towards the bus stop. My heart broke at that instant.

Images of past events flashed through and questions were raised in my head. I thought that he had ever said that he would never smoke. It simply hurt me, especially the thought of how often he would have picked up that life-damaging butt these days.

Well, it's none of my business now. I still care, but what will happen, will. I will just continue to keep my smoking friends in my prayers. Friends, if you're reading this, it's not that I love irritating you with sarcastic remarks about smoking. From the bottom of my heart, you matter to me.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Sigh.. my modem's spoilt.. it's kinda irritating man I can only use Darling Denise's lappy like now, or use the overcrowded comp labs.

I feel fat. very very.

I feel fat. very very.
Man. Like what's new. Once again, I am fat. I can't stand myself, I just keep eating, knowing what each and single of these consumables are doing to my body. I actually successfully shed 3.5kgs before the Chinese New Year, through a diet that stuck strictly to veg and fruits. And my weight was back to its former glory after all the steamboats and cashew sugees. YEUK. it is scary I know.
This is really sinful. Lack of self-control and discipline is an abomination to the Lord. I think I need to fast on vegetables and fruits again. I really need to.
Otherwise I would be really dependent on food when I do projects. haha. According to what I learnt in psychology, this can be a case of classical conditioning whereby:

Neutral Stimulus: Project or assignment to be done

Stimulus to be conditioned: Food

Response: Do assignment

Hence, after much repetition of eating while doing work, my body and mind has been conditioned to only do work when I have food in my mouth.

THIS IS BAD.

Pray pray pray.

Strikeforce Chingay 2005

Strikeforce Chingay 2005<

It was a really fun experience at Orchard today. Screaming and going crazy, simply having fun and letting go.
I really hate to say this, but I think I feel like I'm in a clown suit because the sprayed paint was done all over my costume, looking like neon green print instead of subtle sprays that look garang.
Anyway, it was an enjoyable experience serving God in this event. I feel really tired tho. Physically and mentally. Everything was halfway to shutdown mode when the parade ended. I didn't know what I was doing man. Met a friend, didn't know how to react either. Talked gibberish and in a daze I forgot how to use the EZ link card machine. The couple behind was laughing at me. hahaa...
Oh. Before I forget, NO!! You guys haven't missed me in action!!! The real Chingay Parade would be live on tv tomorrow!! Do watch...!!! Strikeforce is the third last item I think..
In any case, we are followed by this bunch of american school babes clad in the stars and stripes costume and then a group that has people dancing around dressed as orhids.

*yawn* My eyelids drooping.
I need to sleep.

Cya!

Under Serious Attack

Under Serious Attack

I find that I can't take this anymore.


this is war
cannot take it anymore (cannot take it anymore)
i'm falling faster and bleeding more
than i have bled before certain death (the pain will cause a purpose)
lingers on the other hand (and if you feel defeated)
but i will fight you
and victory will be mine in the end

circumstances mean nothing
when it's over
we will be
heroes constantly
pushing forward without any fear

if i erased the line between
forgotten names and memories
i'd never change

resolution made in vain
to face (to play out) the day
life is yours to save (save it)
or take (take it) away

- Emery - Under Serious Attack

Just take away everything. I've never felt so hopeless. Lord I need divine strength.

My closest encounter with Marijuana

My brothers never fail to fascinate me with their stories. Time after time, its always through these gathering that surprises pop out during conversations.

1. My second brother, Michael, never got retained in school before. He went to ITE, collected a total of 15 demerit points within the second week of school (the limit was 21 points for course of two years). The principal said to him, "I want to cane you before you leave." He told him, "I don't allow you to cane me. I'm leaving now." That was the end of his education.

2. He got caught for smoking Marijuana in camp. (He was in combat unit. COOOL!!) Got warned once, and he never touched it again.

3. His campmate gobbled twenty over pieces of roti prata after getting high on the M weed.

4. My eldest brother, David, was detained by the police for 13 hours of interrogation for happening to be at my house void deck at 12am after coming back home from work. some person's dad who was beaten up real bad.. and he and a few friends called the police. Then this drunken police officer came up to David and asked him in Hokkien, "So who is your friend!" David shouted back, "What friend?" The officer in his drunken stupor, snatched the tin of coffee from David's hand and flung it at him, spilling the warm brown liquid all over his shoulder. Enraged, David took a step forward and almost retaliated when the police officer shoved out a police warrant and said, "Come on, hit me if you dare." He withdrawed and there there.. I remember myself (when I was 5?) visiting the Bedok Police HQ to pick him up that morning......

3. My sis-in-law smoked second hand Marijuana in a pub in Italy. The petite lady she was, chowed down eight pieces of pizza, each the size bigger than her face.

Wooh. amazing discovery. All in an evening's conversation over a steamboat dinner.
I love my brothers..
To clear the air, those incidents happened more than 10 years ago.. my brothers are clean people with happy families now.

FYI Smoking Marijuana does not make you hungry. It simply intensifies whatever you feel at the point of smoking it. It can result in excessive drinking that drowns the lungs, overeating or cause one to lapse into a laughing fit or make one cry non stop.

The gloom tune

To leave this place, I took a step of faith

Once it brewed with the passion of two

A space of still air, a dark pit of gloom.

Stripped naked of clothes and thoughts

Leaving them all behind, including the shared dream we fought for.

What seemed common revealed disparities

No hesitations made to resolve uncertainties

We made our depart to go separate ways

Little did I know, my soul was trapped behind

It was trapped beneath the sheets, confused by the change in climate, cold lifeless air.

During the loneliest nights, the howling wind carries the voice from the gloomy room

Torments recycle as I drown myself in the same old tunes

With divine courage and heavy steps that charged back to the abandoned place where my soul lingers

the musty sheets I pulled and flung away with all brutal strength

The tunes died, my soul revived.

Been a long time since I felt so poigant to write a poem.

Weee

Had a feature writing test today. It was rather easy, thank God, despite me sleeping and playing drums the whole afternoon yesterday. Jamming for the first time in who knows how many months today. Never felt so good about jamming before. Went all the way down to Bukit Batok, but it was all worthwhile man. Never been to such a clean, neat and comfortable studio before...24 for 2 hours and we got an extra half an hour because the guy tending the place went home with Sheng's IC! haha.
Guys, if you're looking for a place to jam, ALVRON is the place man! Just take 173 from clementi interchange or 61 from bukit batok interchange!
It was really fun today, thanks Sheng! So much to learn from you. And thanks for squashing my hand with yucky soya sauce-pepper-flavoured eggshell. Uek.

a little more than half emo

I AM 52% EMO! Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater. Take the EMO test at Fuali.com

sian

this is wrong.
Its just the start of the year and everything doesn't feel right. I don't feel motivated or hopeful about stuff.. and just a month ago.. towards the end of the year, I felt that everything was hopeful and things would become more exciting for the coming year.

I am procrastinating. I haven't done any work for the week. Been slacking since monday. I hate the internet. It just gets me hooked and I deviate from doing serious work. Thank God I only have one test this term. Went lil India yesterday with my sister, brought her to shape her eyebrows.. procrastinated from going home and hung out a little after dinner with her. Today, I went sneaker hunting with Danielle and Bernie at Queensway and Orchard. Took the whole afternoon and then dropped by Wee Lee Aljunied to join the Jams church musician at their jamming session. Cool. Though I didn't get to play.. but.. Wow. So much for me to learn. David's great. Rather happy that they are including me for their next jamming session. Hope I will get to play.. and learn some stuff from David.

Speaking of that. Jamming with Narroway coming Tues. Sheesh. I haven't learnt the songs. Don't know if I have enough time man.... there's still project work, psych quizzes, photography to be done and feature writing test to study for.. and.. Sunday night there's strikeforce, Sat is church day, Fri...mayb drum lessons and at night hanging out with Joc and co. So technically I'm left with tomorrow. Man, precious. I've gotta cherish what I have tomorrow.

Not my day at all.

It's so comfortable typing from this soft rubbery keyboard... whheeee. I wished this ibook G4 was mine.. Better run away with it before Denise comes back from the school bookshop with that stupid plastic cover that costs $2.65. Photography is an expensive module man. Thank God I chose not to use the film camera, otherwise I would have spent more than 30 bucks on camera batteries, film, developing and printing like the others did. And all this just to submit one out of five of the deadlines.

Crap. I thought it was really my day yesterday when I scored a picture perfect shot just before I crhossed the road to the printing shop. It was brilliant. (thanks BPC!) And I just found out other than submitting one 8R shot, I've gotta also submit a total of 24 shots in a cd. And I don't have a camera now. My friend, which I borrowed the camera from, deleted some of the pictures I took. urrggggh. I'm lost.

Scheduled to jam coming wednesday. I havent learnt any of the songs yet. Sigh.

what.

I just accidentally deleted the photo I was planning to submit for my photography deadline on Friday.
and they say it takes at least two days to get the pictures printed. and I have to start worrying for my journalism deadline on Tuesday. and I just completed my psychology proposal. and freak, I forgot. I'm supposed to do follow up by 11pm today and I just missed the deadline. Dang. and what am I doing here typing away, wallowing in self pity.

It's a new year, and I believe this year is going to be really great. Though it does not seem like a really fantastic start for now, but I have much optimism that things would pick up pretty soon. I had one of the more subdued new years' celebration this year. Choosing to be shy after bitten by that rotten pickpocket on Christmas eve, I opted for a low profile celebration with Owen and Emelia. What was crazy about that: We walked a total of more than 1.5 hours from the McDonald's opposite Parkway to East Coast to catch the ships give out light signals at midnight before we finally reached my apartment at New Upp Changi Rd. hahahhaha! It wasn't exactly fun, but it was good to spend time together, though I felt Eme was bothered. (hope she's fine already.) James arrived later in the night and the first thing he did was to fall asleep on my bed. The three of us had to squeeze on this single mattress on the floor while we played one tedious round of the Mad Magazine. We then finally fell asleep as soon as we played Sweet November vcd. That was it. 2005 New Year's Eve.

HOW.....am I gonna get the picture? I'm supposed to take it before 800-1030.. but lessons start at 9. and I don't think I can take it after school because it would be too late for printing then? Urgh.. I haven't practised the songs scheduled for jamming. and I seriously need to get started for my journalism and psychology deadlines next week. and I haven't done readings for MM Prin. sheesh. NO. NO NO. I shouldn't be worrying. Pray. Pray.

phew.

Finally. I finished my four journals. Goodness. How could I have done that. Of course, when the quality is lacklustre. Sheesh, though I've finished I still don't feel like going for lecture later. Nah I have to. My attitude these days just suck. I'm living in the flesh man, no longer hold a sense of direction. I mean, I do, but it isn't as strong as it was last week. Things aren't working out well. I haven't been praying (that is really bad.)
I was really enthusiastic, I thought, man, this time I'm gonna make the band happen, I got all excited, set the songs and date for jamming and posted bulletins and asked around for a potential vocalist.
A handful of replies came and I don't know what to do without Gwen's opinion.
I don't know I really don't know what's happening. I tried smsing her, she doesn't reply. I duno who the others are in the band. Urrrrgh. Are we gonna jam yet. What are we waiting for.. I don't know... Are we seriously gonna start with stuff like creed and radiohead? I mean I don't mind.. but.. I thought all along it was supposed to be finch? I wonder what she's busy with.. cos.. if this doesn't work out I'm moving on.

Speaking of the replies I had for the vocalists, hah, this guy actually read the bulletin wrongly and called me on my handphone and asked if I was interested to be their vocalist. He was like,"May I speak to zZ Zzu Zuu-liaahh please?" In my heart I was afraid it was somebody I don't wanna talk to, I asked in a rather fierce tone who he was. (hope I didn't scare him.) I heaved a huge sigh of relief mentally when he told me he was from Dead by Sunrise. Then I realised why he called me zz Zzu Zulliaaah. hahahaaa cos my friendster's Zuliaa and stace helped me posted using The Local Scene account. Anyway, after putting down the phone, I thought it wasn't such a bad idea for me to do vocals. Well I'm vocally trained too. heh.. and it's fun to scream your hearts out. I duno, I might wanna try for fun. haha.

Reminiscent

Re-recorded the song I came up with. I wonder if the guitars and drums are ever gonna be added to it.

Was packing my room, chanced upon my organiser for 2003. Yeah, you should be wondering why on earth would I still be keeping it, it's already going to be 2005 for goodness sake. yeahhhh. It's not even one of those fanciful diaries you spend a bomb at Kino or Prints. It's just an old ringbinded notebook you get for, say $2.40, at your friendly neighbourhood bookshop. And it has loads of graffiti on it with scraps of magazines of assorted pictures of bands and crap pasted on the covers..I flipped through it. It made me feel like secondary school was so long ago. Though I felt that this year went past quickly. In it were the notes and tasks I had to do... and the many poems I wrote during my angst of times. The many lyrics of songs that mirrored my mood. A class contact list pasted in it. A diary entry written at my most poignant moments on the last page as food for thought. There were many pieces of paper that were kept between the pages of the book. My designs of logos and graphics. (I probably stiill am the only one who appreciates them.) A note which the class girls wrote and drew for me on a piece of polyclinic receipt when I was feeling really depressed and isolated myself. (I wonder if they still remember it?) A piece of song lyric Bernie wrote for MD. In it she says, "Julia - 4 you - use it when MD comes out for real!" Well. I guess this piece would lie in peace forever between the pages for year 2003 August 11th week and 18th week then.

I had so much time to make this organiser precious and valuable. Well. We were young. No wonder flipping through the pages make me feel like secondary school was distant. Things are so different. Let's embrace the future.

A disastrous Christmas, yet made me realise the true meaning of it.

Christmas, the time of joy and sharing. Well. I certainly hope I found joy in giving away my precious wallet which Denise gave me for my birthday. And my beloved RED AND BLACK handphone with so many memories. TO A THIEF. sigh. I was still telling her how much I loved the wallet this morning... This two items I lost are SO ME! The design, the colour, the taste....everybody said it was so me the moment they saw the wallet. It's barely 5 days old. It got stolen. from my handbag.

Orchard Rd was so crowded I couldn't believe I was there. I was just screaming and convincing myself aloud that we shouldn't be there as we (barely) moved through the pack of human sardines. Darn. Those freaks were just spraying foam at everybody, even straight into the face of some innocent stranger who happens to be near. Thus my first resolution for the New Year 2005: I will not go to Orchard on eves of Christmas and New Year ever again. It was crazy. Of course to some others, it was really fun, because when else can you enjoy being dirty and sweaty like nobody's business, litter without being fined, spray at random people and cars without getting a lawsuit, molest the girls around you (you have no choice bcos everybody's squeezed together, you might as well touch more), and at the same time try your hand at picking your Christmas gifts from random handbags and pockets. I was revolted.

Christmas is not about this! It's so not! What's up with spraying people you don't know and then run off...you don't gain a thing man. cheap thrill. OH well. Some might think I feel that way cos my mood was influenced by the fact I lost stuff. but through this, what I really saw at Orchard was lost souls, people with no direction in life going around with a can of crap so that they could feel important for once.

Anyway. I love Christmas because it's a time people are open, to love and to be loved. It's a time I tell my friends how important they are to me. I'm glad Roy, Ivan, Darren and Ally came with me to the Indoor Stadium today.. It's a good way to spend Christmas together learning about the true meaning of it. I love them loads.

Hah. We were supposed to exchange gifts. Guess what. All of us bought the same stuff! CHOCOLATESSS!!!

Weeeee~ Ah. The more you eat, the bigger your hip. URGH.

It was a really long day today man. Started school at 8, ended 11. went over to Little India to thread my eyebrows with Bhavna (thanks for bringing me sweetie), so that I could dress up and look good for Christmas. YEA. like what ally said, SO MUCH FOR DRESSING UP. HHHAHAHAHAHA. nvm. It's ok. Though it sucks having to report and do all the cards. though there's so much memories, photos and messages AND NUMBERS from the phone... It's a good way to start anew... for the new year ahead. Nevertheless, though I felt a little lousy about losing my stuff, my day ended well! Hah. Guess who I met at Tanah Merah station. Thank God I chose to alight there and not Bedok. We meet at all kinds of place but never in school! Amazing. Anyways, it made my day. so.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! GOD BLESS.

and all those reading this now. I lost my hp.. so... if there's anything you need to contact me... I guess its only MSN.